Reinventing The Dining Experience: This Cafe Modeled Their Payment System After Healthcare Billing So Chefs, Waiters, And Dishwashers Can Invoice You Separately For Completely Random Amounts Weeks To Months Later - Clickhole

Cut to four months later, and you’ll receive another invoice from the line cook for services including cooking chicken (“Protein Thermal Processing Treatment – $6.22”) and chopping lettuce (“Vegetative Component Structural Reduction – $3.34), and so on and so forth, until the restaurant’s wait and kitchen staff have all individually charged you for every distinct action they undertook during your dining experience

Toddler Review: This Book Has A Mind-Blowing Twist That You’ll Never See Coming. It Will Change You Forever. - Babylon Bee

I was instead presented with the manic fear of a familiar character spiraling out of control.

While all the runners in the stadium take part in the race, the award goes to one man. In that case, run so as to win! Athletes deny themselves all sorts of things. They do this to win a crown of leaves that withers, but we a crown that is imperishable.

1 Cor 9:24-25

Unsettling: Your Amazon Package Came Too Fast - Clickhole

Someone worked through the night to make sure you had shampoo at your front door by the break of dawn. Yes, you—you, who definitely could have just gone to the store for it, but instead had everyone running around like this was a rapid-fire organ delivery for a lifesaving transplant.

Furious Trump Imposes 1000% Tariff On Supreme Court - Babylon Bee

“If you want your tariff rate to be zero, you have to let me use tariffs,” Trump reportedly told Chief Justice John Roberts in a heated exchange.

I guess today was the real Liberation Day after all.

Lucy approaches the iMac after practicing her poem. Benedict and Veronica join her.

Did you finish your poem?

Lucy: “Yes."

What is the title and the author?

Lucy: “The Snail by William Cowper."

Benedict: “By William Caterpillar."

He wrote it so long ago, he’s now William Butterfly.

Trump Orders Drone Strike On Venezuelan Olympic Cross-Country Skier - Babylon Bee

“What an explosive finish for Claveau-Laviolette,” she added. “Wow!”

Morning blend.

☕️

Big day.

❤️

I love a good heated steering wheel.

Turning Point USA Announces Alternative Puerto Rico - The Onion

“Finally, Americans will be able to enjoy a family-friendly tropical paradise that actually celebrates traditional values,” said Turning Point CEO Erika Kirk, adding that the island would be known as “Port Rick,” a mistranslation of “Puerto Rico”

Bible Authors Admit They Were Paid $7K For Every Reference To Israel - Babylon Bee

Hey, if the money is available, just take it. I was writing a ton about Israel anyway, for free, so why not make a little extra coin on the side? And people pretend like I’m the one who benefited from the arrangement the most, but I only had one book. You should have seen how much cash Moses came away with from the Pentateuch. ‘Israel this' and ‘Israel that.' He was the O.G. moneymaker with that deal.

Fraud Suspicions Arise As Somali Team Wins 734th Gold Medal At Winter Olympics - Babylon Bee

“Their culture just encourages overperformance at traditional Somalian activities… like snowboarding.”

Apple’s “new” version of iWork is such a departure.

Ads and upselling within the app is not something I really expect from them.

Creator Studio doesn’t make sense to pay $130 a year when I only use Pages & Numbers.

Kindergarten daughter requested her picture with the Nex Playground, but insisted that it have its “eyepatch on.”

After Relationship Between Parent And Child Irreparably Broken, Math Homework Is Done - Babylon Bee

According to Jennifer Fromm, her husband and child just finished the 4.5 hour one-on-one ordeal of reducing fractions, a marathon challenge which has now destroyed any hope they might have had of a positive relationship with one another.

Swimming lessons for the kids and I’m poolside wrangling my email.

Tools make it possible.

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