Elderly Surgeon Assures Patients He’s Still Lucid Between 10 A.M. And 4 P.M. - Babylon Bee

Despite the sudden calls from nursing staff for Dr. Williams to retire due to his mental decline, he has thus far steadfastly refused. “Nothing but the Lord Almighty could make me stop operating on people,” said Dr. Williams. “I know my mind and my surgical skills aren’t so good anymore. Heck, I know I hallucinate in the OR and forget where I am. That’s not going to stop me from cutting on people, not after all I did to claw my way to the top of the surgical department. I can still do this. They will have to pry the scalpel out of my cold, dead hands.”

At publishing time, the hospital had decided to just let Dr. Williams keep butchering patients as he had brought in a lot of donations to the hospital and it would be a lot of hassle to make him quit.