Everyone Who Was Completely Wrong About Election Day Ready To Explain What Happens Next - The Babylon Bee

“So now the counting is still ongoing,” said commentator Nathan Hanson, making at least one simple factual statement he couldn’t screw up – a stark contrast to his prediction of a blue wave for Democrats leading up to November 4th. “Here’s how this is likely to play out,” he continued, following it up with some of his pointless guesses that have never actually panned out, the usual dribble he somehow gets paid for in the ongoing scam known as cable news.

Call me Cleo!

I’ve had the hardest time getting my Apple Watch to unlock my Mac. Today’s software updates fixed that. Thanks, Apple!

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Germany’s Shift From Wolf to Lamb - WSJ

Yet mighty Germany, the world’s second-largest exporter, won’t dispatch its frigates to safeguard the freedom of the seas. It remains what it has been while hundreds of thousands U.S. troops stood guard throughout Europe: a net consumer of security, not a net producer.

A fascinating read!

When you roll down his window, my son will want his airplane to take flight.

Trump and Biden Go to Election Overtime - WSJ

Amid fears of unrest, shops in Midtown Manhattan and other major cities are boarded up. What a sad sight to behold in the United States.

Indeed.

Britain Locks Down, Again - WSJ

public behavior such as haphazard social distancing and fudging of current restrictions on socializing suggest lockdown fatigue is mounting.

Ain’t that the truth.

Confessionals Installed Outside Polling Places So Catholics Can Confess Sin Of Voting For A Pro-Abortion Candidate - The Babylon Bee

“This will save a lot of carbon emissions, as voters won’t have to drive all the way to a nearby parish to confess their great sin against the Lord.”

Pope Francis did caution us about our carbon footprint!

Fox News Calls Arizona For Biden After 1 Vote Counted - The Babylon Bee

Fox News says it will wait until Trump wins at least 4 billion votes in Florida before the state is called for him, cautioning patience and reminding voters that there are still plenty of absentee ballots to come in from military overseas and the Chinese government.

With Hispanics Leaning Republican, Democrats Begin Calling For A Southern Border Wall - The Babylon Bee

“People are sneaking in through our porous southern border and doing the most horrible things imaginable, such as voting for Trump,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

Trump Tweet Reading ‘Good Morning, America!’ Labeled As Misinformation - The Babylon Bee

“It is NOT a good morning,” said Xander Vabalooka, head of Twitter’s emergency election misinformation squad. “Our democracy hangs in the balance! There is nothing ‘good’ about this morning until all the votes are counted and we get the correct results. We have therefore decided to label this tweet as misinformation.”

The masks are really coming off now.

I’m old enough to remember when Battleground States were just called Swing States.

United Moves Flight Crews Away from Downtown Hotels in Anticipation of Post-Election Civil Protests – AirlineGeeks.com

The action comes as many retailers board up downtown stores in anticipation of post-election protests.

A sad comment on the state of our democracy. Violence is anticipated if an election doesn’t go the way certain people want it too. We should not put up with this nonsense.

CNN Promises Not To Call The Race Unless Biden Is Ahead - The Babylon Bee

Many far-right conspiracy theorists on Fox News are planning to post some results on election day, but experts are reminding the public to ignore such dangerous misinformation until all the Democrat ballots are done being counted and CNN calls the election for Biden. Real and trusted news sites like CNN will suppress any news of victory until they can declare Biden the winner.

Man Stands In Long Line Run By Government To Vote For Government To Run His Healthcare - The Babylon Bee

The government has apologized for the long voting lines and is assuring the public that the lines for their cancer treatments and hip replacements will be much better run.

My son has just informed me that he hopes that a Battle Droid is elected president tomorrow.

Abolish Daylight Saving Time.

Big week! Our Nation gets to choose its destiny for the next four years.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that it’s far more important what happens in your house than what happens in the White House.

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Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses - The Babylon Bee

“We just want to make sure our businesses will be safe from the sudden outpouring of peace, love, and tolerance,” said one frightened business owner in Los Angeles as he frantically boarded up his hookah lounge. “You know, too much peace can sometimes intensify and end up destroying millions of dollars of property. You know, from all the peace.”