It’s always nice to get your new year plans crossed off your list early.

❄️

Hail, Theotokos!

Maybe we should call ourselves the Febreeze Brothers, ‘cause it’s feeling so fresh right now.

Life imitates art.

❄️

Surgeon General: ‘You Are Supposed To Be Able To Button Your Pants’ - The Onion

Leaving your shirt untucked so no one can tell that your pants are not buttoned or declaring that all your pants shrunk several sizes in the dryer are also unacceptable solutions.

Better luck next time.

Treasury Department Says Systems Hacked by China-Backed Actor - WSJ

The Treasury Department has long been seen as a lucrative target for state-backed hackers because of its work involving international financial issues, including sanctions.

All the more so now with that big, fat, juicy Beneficial Ownership Information database of the name, personal identifiers, and drivers license of the owners of every company in America.

Thanks, Congress!

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In my entire professional life, my favorite week of the year has always been the seven days between Christmas and New Years. Work life collectively slows down, and I have permission to take a deep breath and gather my thoughts. It’s the one time each year that the world collectively checks out of the office. Holiday celebrations, vacations, and trips take over our calendars from meetings, deadlines, and projects. The interruptions slow to a trickle as urgent deadlines are pushed into the next calendar year. I can do some planning, thinking, and gain perspective.

I don’t spend the week setting professional goals for the next year. Instead, I use it as a strategic reset, preparing myself and my space for what’s coming in the new year.

I love this feeling of calm; it’s the best week of the year.

My first day of work in my fully unpacked office.

I never thought this day would come.

‘New Year, New You’ Doesn’t Work. Here’s How You Can Actually Improve Your Life. - WSJ

We want to rid ourselves of the feeling, so vividly described by the English novelist Arnold Bennett, that “the years slip by, and slip by, and slip by, and that [we] have not yet been able to get [our] lives into proper working order.”

Sixteen days later, the final box has been opened.

📦

‘Ok, Who Got Me The MAGA Hat?’ Asks Kamala Harris As Jill Biden Stifles Laughter - Babylon Bee

“Merry Christmas, Kamala! Hope that gift brings you joy!”

… the mood at the party had grown even more uncomfortable after Jill Biden opened her present to find a Fisher Price Doctor’s Kit from the vice president’s office.

Civilization VII To Include ‘Bidenomics’ Tech Tree Upgrade Where Inflation Ruins Everything And Eggs Go Up To $12 - Babylon Bee

But now you can intentionally destroy your civilization from within, adding a new element of strategy as you fight yourself for no reason. … When playing as Joe Biden you can dispatch Hunter to other settlements to secure illicit deals, all while your people slowly starve to death.

Newly Discovered Scroll Reveals Fourth Wise Man Who Brought Baby Jesus A Priceless Lego Millennium Falcon - Babylon Bee

“The writer of the scroll, whom we have yet to identify, makes mention of the fact that the Lego Millennium Falcon was worth at least a year’s wages for an average Judean man. Anyone who possessed such a treasure was wealthy indeed.”

At publishing time, scholars disclosed that the scroll went on to tell of how the young Jesus showed early signs of His divinity by putting together the thousands of pieces of the Millennium Falcon by Himself without even looking at the instructions.

Assad Returns To Ophthalmology At Moscow LensCrafters - The Onion

At press time, Assad was threatening the front desk receptionist with sarin gas after she made a mistake with the scheduling software.

Meeting the new neighbors.

Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s - Babylon Bee

“I hereby exempt my son from anything that may or may not occur at this very specific time behind the green dumpster outside Applebees,” said Biden to a bust of Teddy Roosevelt he mistook for a reporter.

End of an era.

Seven years ago, the bozos at Equifax had a massive data breach in which the attackers spent weeks in their networks and databases completely undetected.

They hoovered up my information, without compensation or consent, and then left the backdoor open for thieves to steal it all in one fell swoop.

The fine folks at the plaintiffs bar negotiated a settlement that would pay victims up to $125, depending on the size of the claim.

My settlement payment came through this morning: $7.44 on a virtual gift card.