Chet Collins

Americans Come Out Of Debate Excited By Their Two Great Choices - The Babylon Bee

“One of those two will be running the country for the next four years? How can you not be optimistic?”

Pompeo Calls On Pope Francis to Defend Religious Freedom in China - WSJ

A senior Vatican official expressed irritation with Mr. Pompeo’s suggestion that the Holy See hadn’t been standing up for religious freedom in China. “We speak about religious freedom to China all the time, but we do so in our own way,” the official said.

Get real, dude.

Google Makes Concessions in Effort to Buy Fitbit - WSJ

“This deal is about devices, not data,” Google said.

lol, coming from a company that deals exclusively in data.

Apple Removes RSS Feed Readers From Chinese App Store - MacRumors

Fiery Feeds and Reeder both tweeted that their iOS apps had been removed in China over content that is considered “illegal” in the country.

Oh Apple, that brave and moral multinational corporation.

The full moon is gorgeous. 🌕

Hello, Fall! 🍁

CNN Pre-Debate Poll Shows Biden Clearly Won Debate - The Babylon Bee

It is unclear if the actual debate tonight could affect the poll results, but most experts expect that it will not.

Saves me 90 minutes during my evening!

Ilhan Omar Seen Driving Giant Industrial Ballot Harvester Through Minneapolis - The Babylon Bee

On loan from the DNC, the state-of-the-art harvester is capable of harvesting over 200 bushels of votes per hour, allowing candidates to harvest enough votes to cheat an opponent out of an election. And best of all, every vote is 100% home-grown, locally sourced, and organic.

At the beginning of the pandemic, the retailers were unreliable. Now it’s the delivery carriers who are unreliable.

Tehran 🍿

Excellent first episode, but the producers know absolutely nothing about airplanes.

‘What Is Thy Bidding, My Master?’ Asks Amy Coney Barrett To Cloaked, Holographic Pope - The Babylon Bee

“I am the Senate,” snapped the Pope. “Now, do whatever I say, like a good Catholic!”

Libertarian Voters Flock To Trump After Learning He Avoided Paying Taxes - The Babylon Bee

“Only paying a few hundred in federal theft? This guy is my hero!” said libertarian man Murray Mickelson of New Hampshire. “If only all of us could be that smart with our taxes.”

Amy Coney Barrett and Joe Biden: Two Catholics, One Double Standard - WSJ

For this election, Democrats have pulled out all the stops to let Americans know what a swell Catholic Joe Biden is. The party’s larger message, both timely and welcome, is that it’s OK to be a person of faith. The test is whether the same courtesy applies to Mr. Biden’s fellow Catholic, Judge Amy Coney Barrett. Even before President Trump formally nominated her for the Supreme Court on Saturday, the calumnies started circulating: the faith community her family belongs to is a “Christofascist cult,” she and her husband are “white colonizers” for adopting two children from Haiti, her Catholicism makes her, in the words of Bill Maher, “a f— nut,” and so on.

EPA Raises Legal Questions About California’s Plan to Ban New Gas-Powered Cars Starting in 2035 - WSJ

“California’s record of rolling blackouts—unprecedented in size and scope—coupled with recent requests to neighboring states for power begs the question of how you expect to run an electric car fleet that will come with significant increases in electricity demand, when you can’t even keep the lights on today,” Mr. Wheeler wrote in the letter.

Someone had to say it.

ACB Racing To Get Dinner Ready For Husband So He’ll Let Her Out To Overturn Roe V. Wade - The Babylon Bee

When dinner was finally served and deemed “adequate,” Judge Barrett’s husband told her, “Okay, you can go do your knitting club or whatever.”

AirPlay 2 and HomeKit Coming to Select 4K Roku TVs and Devices Later This Year - MacRumors

AirPlay 2 will enable users to stream videos, music, podcasts, and more directly from an iPhone, iPad, or Mac to a compatible Roku smart TV, with no Apple TV box necessary. And with HomeKit support, users can easily control the TV’s power, volume, source, and more using Siri or the Home app on iPhone, iPad, and Mac.

Software is a miracle.

Evangelical Leaders Anoint Amy Coney Barrett With Cup Of Chick Fil A Sauce - The Babylon Bee

“This delicious soybean oil-based nectar is the most spiritually powerful oil in the world. Its hallowed combination of honey mustard, barbecue sauce, and ranch is a holy trinity of flavors that will protect and empower Amy Coney Barrett as she protects religious freedom for all.”

Sad: Antifa Rioter Excitedly Runs Out To Burn Down Neighborhood Only To Realize He Already Burned It Down In The Last Riot - The Babylon Bee

Tragic! This Antifa rioter was excited to go on a road trip and burn down a black neighborhood, only to discover he’d already burned it down in the last round of rioting. After learning Trump was appointing a strong, brave, independent woman to the Supreme Court, he got really upset and decided it was time to show the right he meant business by going out and burning things down. Sadly, there was nothing left to burn down.

Trump and Biden Trade Barbs on Social Security but Avoid Substance - WSJ

[…] knows how important Social Security is to the middle-class Americans who have spent their whole lives working toward a dignified retirement […]

Social Security benefits, or the scheme more generally, is definitely not a dignified retirement.