Thankfully it was mostly treats.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

🍿

Biden Calls On Deplorable Garbage Nazis To Tone Down The Rhetoric - Babylon Bee

Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign agreed with Biden, issuing a press release calling for the arrest and imprisonment of all Trump supporters in an effort to heal division in the country.

Report: Millions Of Garbage Bags Seen Lining Up Outside Polling Stations - Babylon Bee

“We had no idea how many bags of garbage there were in this country,” said pollster Richard Blinken.

Usually when the house is quiet, the kids are doing something that will get them in trouble.

Sometimes they’re just helping themselves to a snack.

Awesome: Panera Bread Has Launched A Patreon For Fans To Support Its Soups And Salads - Clickhole

those who subscribe at the $25 per month “Bread Bowl Fanatic” tier will get the chance to have a 10-minute Zoom with a real-life Panera employee.

Can we ask them to bring the good menu back?

American Airlines Draws the Line Against Boarding-Group Cutters - WSJ

All major U.S. airlines do their best to maintain boarding order since priority boarding is a perk for frequent fliers, credit-card holders and big spenders, and is often available for purchase. But American is the first to develop an automated system that instantly flags offenders. 

How was this not already a thing?

Chad Vossen, a 46-year-old chief creative officer for a video marketing company in Virginia, knew nothing of the test until he and a colleague tried to board in Group 6 instead of Group 8 for a flight to Phoenix. They had done it on other American flights and others, in hopes of avoiding gate-checking their camera equipment.

So he’s cool with the people he cheated having to gate-check their bags?

JPMorgan Chase Sues Four Customers for Bank Fraud Seen in Viral TikToks - WSJ

The bank sued four individuals in federal court Monday for exploiting a so-called glitch at Chase Bank ATMs that went viral on social media over the summer. The individuals deposited fake checks into their checking accounts and withdrew thousands of dollars, JPMorgan said in the lawsuits.

These brazen scams are absolutely wild.

Trying something new on the breakfast menu; homemade slow-cooked oatmeal with apples and cinnamon.

Reviews: “Smells like fall.”

A little quiet reading time on the couch with the pajama’d children. Trying to make the stillness of morning last a few extra minutes.

📖

Almost every time I walk through IKEA I discover a product that I always knew I needed, but didn’t know existed. Upping my guest linen game with some $1.99 storage bags.

iOS 18.1 Is Out Now: Apple Intelligence, New Siri Look and AirPod Hearing Aids Arrive - WSJ

Yes, Apple’s long-awaited entry into generative AI is here.

🥱

The Presidential Election is upon us, and I managed to vote last week. Since having children, I’ve early voted in each election. This year was the hardest I’ve had to work to get it done. My normal polling place was overrun the two times that I went, so we ended up at a more obscure location.

I bought groceries for my family of six this morning. I grant that I do not always buy the cheapest ingredients. My goal is not to have the lowest cost corn-fed family, but a reasonable menu that fills everyone up with something good. I shop at Walmart and trade down to generics on most categories, when able.

Thanks to my six year habit of online grocery shopping, I have prices from the last time I went to the polls, October 2020. Granted, this was during the supply chain shortage, and even then prices felt high. Sadly, things went from bad to bleak.

The Consumer Price Index is based on a “basket of goods.” Here’s my personal grocery price index:

My grocery bill is up an average of 29%. If my grocery budget bought a full year of groceries in 2020, in 2024 it would only buy my family food through September 16.

That’s a whole lot of hurt every single week from the folks who say they’re “helping” me.

It’s going to be a good day.

The Babylon Bee Editorial Board Endorses Kamala Harris For President - Babylon Bee

In 2020, the Babylon Bee famously endorsed “Dave” for President, discovering only later that Dave was a role played by actor Kevin Kline in a movie that hit the box office in 1993. This year, we resolved to endorse an actual person, and that person is Kamala Harris.

Great movie. 🍿

Joe Rogan Interviews Former McDonald’s Fry Cook - Babylon Bee

The since-retired McDonald’s employee, named Donald, had just days ago been photographed serving up French fries at a Philadelphia drive-through. Incredibly, less than a week later, the former fry cook had landed a spot on the most downloaded podcast in the world.

Trump Accused Of Inappropriately Touching The Hearts Of Millions Of Americans - Babylon Bee

The latest scandal threatened to impact the upcoming presidential election, as millions of accusers from every state began to pour in. Victims of all ages and from across the socio-economic spectrum claimed to have been truly touched by Trump.

Democrats Explain Trump Was Going To Be Hitler During His First Term, But He Forgot - Babylon Bee

According to retired General John Kelly, former President Trump often talked about how he kept meaning to find time to be Hitler, but he kept getting distracted by other things. “On several occasions, Trump told me word for word, ‘This is it. This is the week I’m going to go be Hitler.’ But then, Trump would get started doing something like handing out candy to Minions and he would completely forget,” explained Kelly.

Next time I need a lock for a gate, I will buy an outdoor rated lock. That way I won’t end up spending $75 for the locksmith to remove a $10 lock again.

🔒

Kamala Harris’s Pitch to Black Men - WSJ Opinion

The Vice President claims to follow the science, but she ignores the growing evidence about marijuana’s mental, physical and social harms. It is especially damaging to young people whose brains are still developing. Many black communities in California have opposed pot dispensaries in their neighborhoods because they don’t want their young people on dope.