When iOS 18.1 was released on October 28, I updated all of my devices and enabled Apple Intelligence. It’s been three weeks, and today, I disabled the feature.

It’s not just that Apple Intelligence is extremely limited, or that Siri is still terrible; it just wasn’t useful. I don’t use AI writing tools, and the summarization of texts and emails actually increased my mental load.

Ludovico Einaudi has a song that I love, “Pathos.” But when I ask Siri to play it, using the Greek pronunciation (Pā-thōs), she can’t figure it out. When I ask her using the English (Pa-thos), she understands and responds to me with the Greek pronunciation. How long has Siri had to get better at basic stuff like this?!

Instead of approaching each message with a blank slate, I first had to read and parse the summary, then open the actual message, and read and parse it again. I was doing everything twice.

For notifications, I like that I see the person’s name and photo. That’s enough to give me context about what I’m jumping in to, and how quick I need to act and respond. Summarization allowed certain messages to jump the line. As soon as I saw the message notification, I had a summary and my brain went to work on responses.

In the end, Apple Intelligence was a lot like a child. It disrupted my workflow, and distracted me from the task at hand, even if it was a lower priority item. Apple wants to be AI like everyone else, but this implementation was useless.

Spirit Airlines Announces They Will Tell You Why They Went Bankrupt For An Added Fee Of $50 - Babylon Bee

“We would love to explain exactly what went down. Anyone wishing to know can pay a one-time fee of $50 or more, and one of your flight attendants will come down the aisle and whisper it in your ear.”

Rainy start to the week.

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Kamala Harris Calls Dave Ramsey Show For Advice After Blowing $1 Billion In Three Months - Babylon Bee

“And you say you did this in just three months? Meaning, you spent half a million dollars every hour, even while sleeping, for three straight months? Oh… my… gracious. Where do I begin?”

Back in the homeownership game.

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When the student shows up at Office Hours and the teacher isn’t there.

APPALLING: New Trump Appointee Has Zero Experience Being A Useless Government Bureaucrat - Babylon Bee

“Trump needs to pick people with experience in being faceless cogs in the federal machine who won’t change anything,” said MSNBC anchor Joe Scarborough. “These people are talking about doing their jobs and that scares me.”

Life Hack: Instantly Shave 7 Books Off Your Bible In A Year Plan By Converting From Catholic To Protestant - Babylon Bee

At publishing time, Richard Kickrider had published a new video warning fans against joining the Ethiopian Orthodox Church because their Bible is even longer, clocking in at a whopping 81 books.

Preventing The Worst: Democrats Just Trump-Proofed The Nation By Passing Legislation Ensuring Syrup Can Never Be Named ‘Aunt Jemima’ Again - Decisive Action

The law, called the Non-Jemima Syrup Act of 2024, completely neuters Trump and his GOP Congress of the ability to change the name of any syrup or pancake mix to “Aunt Jemima” at any point or for any reason (including during wartime).

Democrats Vow To Improve Their Outreach To ‘Bigoted Misogynists’ - Babylon Bee

Democrats have reportedly also vowed to do better in reaching out to young men by insulting them and telling them that they are the root of all evil everywhere even more.

Science is fun.

A Triumph for Trump’s Republicans - WSJ Opinion

It isn’t enough said that Mr. Trump did this while enduring a shooting, a second, thwarted assassination attempt, and credible intelligence reports that Iran was trying to kill him. He went into all his rallies knowing that. He showed a lot of guts. Mass media didn’t dwell on this, but regular people did.

A Positive Perspective: The DNC Is Reminding Disappointed Democrats That While Winning Would’ve Been Great, A Second Place Finish Is Nothing To Sneeze At - ClickHole

“We’re not going to let American culture’s toxic obsession with being ‘number one’ stand in the way of recognizing that Kamala Harris beat every candidate except Trump by a margin of over 67 million votes. Other parties would kill for the type of turnout the Democratic party saw this year.”

‘Don’t Despair,’ Kamala Tells Celebrating Nation - Babylon Bee

“Please, don’t — please — do not despair — I’m speaking!” Harris shouted above the celebratory crowd in a speech broadcast to tens of millions of elated Americans. “We are sad today. And sad is not happy. Sad is, in fact, the opposite of happy. And happy is what we wish we were right now. Happy is good. And the opposite of good is bad, which rhymes with sad, which is what we are here in this current time.”

Hang in there, America.

Kim Jong Un’s Risky Embrace of Russia Is About His Regime’s Survival - WSJ

“North Korea’s decision to send troops to kill Europeans will not easily be forgotten in European capitals”

Honey, Where Are My Pants?

A stop-motion film by Benedict.

Biden Calls Trump To Concede The Election - Babylon Bee

At publishing time, Trump had graciously accepted a concession call from Biden, then Harris, then Biden again.

America Unburdens Itself From What Has Been - Babylon Bee

Sources say the unburdening could lead to unprecedented levels of imagining what can be.

… and that was the last time anyone skipped the Al Smith Dinner.

Election Officials Assure Everybody Things Are Looking Good And You Can Go To Sleep And They’ll Take Care Of The Rest Of The Counting Overnight - Babylon Bee

“America, it is well past your bedtime,” scolded former President Obama.

Everyone’s talking about this whole 2024 election today, but I just got a hot tip.

Insiders cannot stop talking about this other election in 2028 that very few people even realize is coming up so soon. It’s going to be the most important election of our lifetimes and you will not believe who they got to run!!!

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Kamala Harris Confused By Process Where She Needs To Get Votes To Be Selected - Babylon Bee

“I don’t get it,” said Harris. “I became Vice President without receiving any votes, and then I became the nominee without receiving any votes… Why do we suddenly need these ‘vote’ things? This makes no sense.”