Psaki: ‘A Record 331 Million Americans Have Not Been Abandoned In Afghanistan’ - The Babylon Bee

Critics pointed out that Biden did not uphold his promise to rescue all Americans, and on top of that gave those still trapped one less day to attempt the dangerous road to the airport. Sources inside the administration say they are sick and tired of journalists saying things like that, instead of praising them for being so awesome.

Republican Politicians Vow To Get Real Mad And Stuff Following Afghanistan Crisis - The Babylon Bee

They will then send a bunch of angry emails to their email lists saying how angry they are—with links to donate to their reelection campaigns.

So true.

White House Solves Budget Crisis By Renting Out Ad Space On Biden’s Back - The Babylon Bee

“Your brand will be seen by millions of Americans as they anxiously wonder what the president has to say about Americans we’ve left stranded abroad, inflation, the economy, gas prices, the border crisis, and every other crisis. As soon as the press asks a question, your brand will be captured by dozens of television cameras.”

SPAC Rout Erases $75 Billion in Startup Value - WSJ

Over the same span, an exchange-traded fund that tracks companies that recently went public through initial public offerings slid 12%. The Dow Jones Industrial Average gained 13%.

Boring wins.

The Proposal

🍿

The Entitlement State’s Bankruptcy Dates - WSJ

The Trustees report is shouting not to expand entitlements when you can’t pay for the ones you have, but today’s politicians don’t care.

Cleaning my favorite window in the house.

Spirit Halloween Sets Up Shop In Abandoned U.S. Military Bases In Afghanistan - The Babylon Bee

“Sorry if it seems too soon,” said CEO Samuel Svengoolie, “but this is what we do. We have satellites in space constantly monitoring the surface of the earth for deserted buildings, and we are contractually obligated to immediately move in as soon as they’re empty. This is just what we do.” 

It’s great to see the Taliban playing with all of the tools and toys that I bought them.

China Limits Online Videogames to Three Hours a Week for Young People - WSJ

The new regulation, unveiled by the National Press and Publication Administration, will ban minors, defined as those under 18 years of age, from playing online videogames entirely between Monday and Thursday. On the other three days of the week, and on public holidays, they will be only permitted to play between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m.

Tyranny.

Tencent Holdings Ltd., the world’s largest videogame company by revenue, has used a combination of technologies that, for example, automatically boot off players after a certain period and use facial-recognition technology to ensure that registered users are using

And Big Tech happily obliges with its own intrusive technologies.

Climate Change to Be Treated as Public-Health Issue - WSJ

Asked how HHS would reduce carbon emissions from healthcare facilities, Mr. Becerra said: “We will use every authority to its greatest advantage because it is time to tackle climate change now.”

Not much going on in the healthcare sector right now, so let’s use their idle time greening the place up.

U.S.’s Pledge to Fight Terrorists in Afghanistan Will Be Harder Without Boots on the Ground - WSJ

U.S. officials acknowledge the military has lost 90% of the intelligence collection capabilities it had using drones before the drawdown of forces began in May.

Probably not a good idea to offer informants assurances of protection and safe passage to America.

When the U.S. pulled its troops from Iraq in 2011, many officials and analysts say, it lost much of its ability to closely track the growth of Islamic State, which seized swaths of Iraq and Syria in 2014 and prompted the U.S. military to return.

We weren’t even gone before ISIS-K developed capability to attack our interests.

Intelligence agencies had estimated it would take terrorist groups about two years following the U.S. departure to reconstitute themselves and possibly pose a threat to the U.S. or U.S. interests globally. That timeline is being reassessed following the U.S.-backed Afghan government’s collapse, senior military officers said.

We’re super good at estimating.

Robinhood Stock Drops After SEC Chairman Warns on Payment for Order Flow - WSJ

SEC Chairman Gary Gensler in which he said a full prohibition of payment for order flow was “on the table” as part of a broader agency review.

What’s this? A former Goldman banker doesn’t like the compensation method that eliminated commissions and brokerage fees for the average American investor? Huh.

Joe Biden Bets on Cynicism - WSJ Opinion

When Mr. Biden announced in April that we were pulling out, he promised it wouldn’t be a “hasty rush to the exit,” that it would be done “responsibly, deliberately and safely” in “full coordination with our allies and partners.” The next month in the Atlantic, Elliot Ackerman, a former Marine who served five tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, said he appreciated how tired so many Americans are of this war. But he went on to say this: “To simply wash our hands of an entire country and its people is deeply cynical.”

Last Flight From Kabul - WSJ Opinion

The Washington Post reports that, amid the Afghan government’s collapse, the Taliban offered to let the U.S. provide security in Kabul. Mr. Biden and the U.S. military said all they needed was the airport.

No comment necessary.

Bernie Sanders Runs Out of Billionaires - WSJ Opinion

If Mr. Sanders were to confiscate every asset of every American billionaire— Jeff Bezos’s rockets; Elon Musk’s bitcoin; Larry Ellison’s boats; Oprah Winfrey’s houses; Ted Turner’s ranches; Jay-Z’s car collection; even the starched shirt off the back of poor Larry Fink, who tied for last place on the Forbes list, at $1 billion—it still wouldn’t cover the cost of Democrats’ next two legislative plans.

Emphasis added.

Bernie’s shtick is always “us versus them.” The reality is that there aren’t enough of “them,” which is why the tax man will be coming back sooner rather than later for the rest of “us.”

Last U.S. Troops Leave Afghanistan After Nearly 20 Years - WSJ

Despite assurances to the contrary by Mr. Biden and other top administration officials, Americans and Afghan allies were left behind, though the State Department couldn’t provide precise figures.

St. Joseph trophy for recognizing good work at school.

Krispy Kreme Focuses on Reducing Debt, Delivering Fresher Doughnuts - WSJ

Before those acquisitions, the Krispy Kreme doughnuts sold at grocery and convenience stores were often between four and seven days old

And boy did it show! They were shiny and gross.

🍩

You Are Living in the Golden Age of Stupidity - WSJ Opinion

The slow-motion zombies’ assault on the Capitol on Jan. 6 was a fittingly stupid finale to the Trump years, which offered dueling stupidities: Buy one, get one free. The political parties became locked in a four-year drama of hysteria and mutually demeaning abuse. Every buffoonery of the president and his people was answered by an idiocy from the other side, which in its own style was just as sinister and just as clownish. Cable news provided the Greek chorus. American government and politics became cartoons. The Democrats, all unknowing, played Wile E. Coyote to Mr. Trump’s Road Runner. Twice, the Democrats’ Acme Impeachment Committee rigged up the big bomb (heh heh), lit the fuse and held its ears. Both times, the Road Runner sped away. Beep beep!

A perfect encapsulation.

Good on the President and his senior leaders for making the trip to Dover to recieve home the remains of the troops we lost last week.

May their souls, and the souls of all the faithful departed, rest in peace.

🇺🇸

North Korea Appears to Have Restarted Yongbyon Nuclear Reactor - WSJ

“This report underscores the urgent need for dialogue and diplomacy so we can achieve the complete denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula,” the official said.

30 years of dialogue and diplomacy landed us here. Let’s try something new.