Chet Collins

Banana.

Time to get moving.

Trump Responds To Putin’s Charge Of Him Being Emotional With An All-Caps Tweet - Babylon Bee

At publishing time, sources said that President Trump had last been seen writing “HOW’S THIS FOR EMOTIONAL?” with a Sharpie marker on bombs before ordering preparations to be made for an airstrike on Moscow.

Apple CEO Tim Cook’s Bad Year Keeps Getting Worse - WSJ

State and federal lawmakers are threatening the app store with legislation to require Apple to verify user ages. While the bottom-line impact of such a move is unclear, it could reduce teen spending or even empower parents to limit teen engagement on smartphones more fully.

Sign me up.

Afternoon cold brew and memories of my grandparents.

Mental Health Win! This Smoke Detector Gradually Wakes You Up Using A Gentle Blue Light And Soothing White Noise So It Doesn’t Negatively Affect Your Circadian Rhythm If You Have A House Fire - Clickhole

First Alert’s new CalmRefresh+ smoke alarm solves a major issue with literally every other smoke detector sold today: the jarring, ear-piercing sounds they make during a fire that cause you to jump out of bed with anxiety, disrupting your natural sleep cycle in an incredibly invasive way.

Man Honors Fallen Soldiers By Purchasing Refrigerator At Incredible Discount - Babylon Bee

“This is for all those who paid the price for our freedom,” said Reese as he handed his credit card to the cashier. “I can think of no better way to esteem their memory than to buy a high-quality Whirlpool refrigerator at a steep discount. Thank you, heroes. You are gone but not forgotten.”

How the Student Loan Crisis Will Show Up in the Economy - WSJ

Yannelis also worries that, as a result of former President Joe Biden’s attempts to forgive swaths of student debt, many borrowers didn’t really expect they would need to start paying again and built their budgets around that belief.

We never could’ve foreseen this outcome.