Chet Collins

Land On Your Feet: 7 Great Career Choices For Laid-Off Journalists - The Babylon Bee

Official spokesperson for the Chinese government. You’ve got lots of experience in this already! China is probably hiring.

Employers really value previous work experience.

Report: Dad’s Working From Home So He’s Definitely Available For Anything You Need - The Babylon Bee

Since he’s sitting right there at the kitchen table with his headphones on in deep concentration on his work, he’s certainly available if you need a snack, want to complain about something, or just want to have a casual conversation about nothing in particular.

Apple Discontinues Full-Sized HomePod to Focus on HomePod Mini - MacRumors

The ‌HomePod mini‌ offers all of the features of the ‌HomePod‌ in a smaller and less expensive package.

This is a horrible decision. I love the Mini, but it cannot match the capability of the HomePod.

Time to fuel up.

🍳🥑🦀

I guess Meghan and Harry aren’t big Brad Paisley fans.

Yes.

I’m thinking about reading a book.

Do I need permission from Corporate America before choosing a title?

Perhaps they have an approved texts list prepared for me.

China exports more than cheap manufactured goods and expensive technology these days.

Today’s carry.

Opinion: Lessons of the Long Covid Year - WSJ

The pandemic has been a testament to American grit and resilience—but an undeserved windfall for government. We will be paying for the lockdown excesses for generations.

U.S. Jobless Claims Ease as Hiring Picks Up - WSJ

Worker filings for unemployment benefits dropped to 712,000 last week, nearing their lowest level since the pandemic fueled a surge in layoffs last March.

Awesome! It hasn’t been signed into law yet, but the American Rescue Plan is already delivering real results!!!!

China All but Ends Hong Kong Democracy With ‘Patriots Only’ Rule - WSJ

China drew the curtain on decades of adversarial politics in Hong Kong as the national legislature approved electoral changes that would put pro-Beijing loyalists firmly in charge of the city and squeeze opposition groups from elected office.

And the democracies of the World stood by, silent.

‘The End Is Near!’ Cries Crazed Left-Wing Conspiracy Theorist Predicting Apocalyptic Return Of Trump Rioters Any Day Now - The Babylon Bee

After March 4th came and went with no right-wing violence at the U.S. Capitol, leftist conspiracy theorists are still expressing faith that the prophesied violence from Trump supporters will happen any day now.

Welcome sight.

House Passes $1.9 Trillion Covid-19 Stimulus Package; Biden Plans to Sign Friday - WSJ

The bill “is a force for fairness and justice in America,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D., Calif.) on Wednesday. The package is “one of the most transformative that I have seen in my over 30 years in the Congress,” she said

Bookmarking this quote for future reference.

No one will be spared financial and economic hardship when this bill comes due.

Biden Finally Visits ‘On The Border’ To See Crisis Everyone’s Talking About - The Babylon Bee

The media quickly praised Biden’s handling of the On the Border crisis, pointing out that Trump never bothered going to On the Border during his presidency.

Fact-finding missions are crucial to good governance.

Heroic Secret Service Agent Dives In Front Of Biden As Reporter Tries To Ask A Question - The Babylon Bee

The Secret Service agent sustained minor injuries but is grateful to have saved the president from a reporter’s unwelcome question.

True bravery.

Jousting. Now there was a terrible idea.

🛡

SoftBank Put $400 Million Into Greensill Months Before Collapse - WSJ

The money, not previously reported, was used as a financial backstop when another Vision Fund company, construction startup Katerra, came close to defaulting on a loan to Greensill

SoftBank is really keen to extend their losing streak!

‘I Sure Am Glad I Don’t Live In One Of Those Banana Republics,’ Says Man As He Walks By Wall Indefinitely Surrounding Capitol - The Babylon Bee

He then tried to go visit his representative and was tackled to the ground by the National Guard, who have been installed there indefinitely to prevent people from entering the Capitol Building.

Man Glad He’s American So He Doesn’t Have To Pretend To Care About Royal Family - The Babylon Bee

Trudeau said he is extremely humbled and grateful to have been born in the best country ever created by God, especially because it means he doesn’t have to care about Meghan Markle or Prince Harry.