Stalk.

Lots of happy people in my house today.

United Airlines Unveils New Environmentally Friendly Single-Engine Boeing 777 - The Babylon Bee

There was no emergency– this was all planned in advance. We wanted to illustrate that the 777 Eco is symbolically blowing up the concept of twin-engine airliners and that we’re sprinkling the city with the symbolic shrapnel of lower emissions!

Spirit Who Caught Typhus En Route To Siege Of Antioch Figures It Simpler Just To Say He Died In The Crusades - The Onion

At press time, Brictric was rapidly backpedaling after an enthusiastic Flemish cavalryman who had been immolated in a torrent of hot oil at Antioch asked which brigade he served in.

El Chapo’s Wife Arrested On Drug Charges Exactly As Planned - The Onion

read a statement released by the U.S. Justice Department, unaware that they had just set the wheels in motion of an intricate plot planned months earlier by the married duo, placing one foot ever-so-firmly into a trap that would leave the entire federal government reeling at their own failure to see what was coming.

Texas Grapples With Crushing Power Bills After Freeze - WSJ

They are offered an array of options, ranging from fixed-price long-term contracts to contracts that track the hourly fluctuations of the wholesale market.

An extreme situation, but going with a variable power rate plan is an implicit gamble.

Ford CEO Launches Electric Vehicle Push By Having Buddy Stand Watch While He Steals Battery From Parked Prius - The Onion

At press time, Ford had walked back its climate plans indefinitely after the Prius’s owner appeared out of a nearby apartment building with a baseball bat, sending Farley and his friend scattering down the block.

‘Get Me On The First Flight Outta Here’ Says John Cornyn In Hoodie, Sunglasses Banging On Bahamas Airport Desk - The Onion

Avoiding eye contact as he glanced around with clear discomfort, a hoodie- and sunglasses-wearing Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) slammed his fist on a counter and told a Nassau Airport clerk to just shut up and get him on the first flight out of the Bahamas, sources confirmed Friday.

Help Is On The Way: John Kerry Personally Warms Texas By Flying Private Jet Around - The Babylon Bee

The Gulfstream, which emits 40 times more carbon than a commercial jetliner, lowered its altitude, belching out a trail of greenhouse gasses above the inoperable field of turbines.

Tragedy: Texas Man So Focused On Staying Warm He Has Forgotten The Alamo - The Babylon Bee

Without the power of the Alamo holding Texas together, the state could fall into a hundred years of ruin and end up like a common California.

We’ll Have Herd Immunity by April - WSJ

scientists shouldn’t try to manipulate the public by hiding the truth

Biden Announces He Will Give Up Executive Orders For Lent - The Babylon Bee

Catholics across the country are giving things up for the Lent season, and Joe Biden is a really devout Catholic. He’s so devout, in fact, that he’s agreed to give up something near and dear to his heart for the 40 days of Lent: executive orders.

February (2021)

The Day Facebook Went Dark on News - WSJ

Some public-health experts said they worried the move would deprive people of reliable information from news outlets just as the country starts rolling out its coronavirus vaccinations.

And voluminous amounts of unreliable information.

Number of Immigrant Families Illegally Crossing U.S. Border Rises to Pre-Covid-19 Levels - WSJ

“We came now in part because of the law change,” Mr. Chaveco said, describing the family’s decision to cross the border last week. “It seemed like there is more tolerance.”

No law change, just a new Administration.

Texas Spins Into the Wind - WSJ

Between 12 a.m. on Feb. 8 and Feb. 16, wind power plunged 93% while coal increased 47% and gas 450%, according to the EIA. Yet the renewable industry and its media mouthpieces are tarring gas, coal and nuclear because they didn’t operate at 100% of their expected potential during the Arctic blast even though wind turbines failed nearly 100%.

The portrayal of renewables as innocent in this mess isn’t just gaslighting, it’s a lie.

The proof is in the pudding.