Your Cash Earns Zip, Zilch, Nada. Don’t Make It Worse. - WSJ

Since the Federal Reserve is depressing interest rates, it seems only fair that I should depress you. So please allow me to point out that $100,000 in a savings account will earn, if you’re lucky, $220 in interest income in 2020.

Ouch.

Biden: ‘I Won’t Reveal Whether I Plan On Abolishing The Constitution And Establishing A Glorious Communist Utopia Until After I’m Elected’ - The Babylon Bee

“Look, if I tell you whether or not I plan to institute a new Communist order, establishing a glorious worker-led revolution that will lead us out of this capitalistic nightmare and into a paradisical utopia, that would become the headline. That would be playing Trump’s game. So I’m not going to say whether I support this great idea.”

Dunkirk

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Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden - The Babylon Bee

“Plus, the Biden campaign didn’t have to pay them since they are already being paid a full salary with taxpayer dollars. It was a win-win for us!”

Conservative Activist Grabbed Trump’s Eye on Diversity Training - WSJ

White House chief of staff Mark Meadows called Mr. Rufo the morning after the TV program and asked him to share his findings, saying President Trump had watched it, a person familiar with the matter said.

Trump is such a rube for falling for opinions of people on TV. Doesn’t he know he’s only supposed to get new policy positions from rich lobbyists at $10,000 a plate fundraisers?!

The Plot Against Gretchen Whitmer - WSJ

Ms. Whitmer has exceeded her legal authority in the pandemic, and often in arrogant fashion. But the recourse for her critics is politics and the law, not violence and kidnapping.

This plot is the responsibility of those who conspired to carry it out and and theirs alone. They are terrorists through and through.

White House Preparing New $1.8 Trillion Stimulus Proposal - WSJ

The White House proposal increases its previous offer by about $200 billion

Just keeps getting worse. Nothing like beating a dead horse, tho.

Kamala Harris Pulls Fire Alarm When Asked About Packing The Supreme Court - The Babylon Bee

“Oh no! I really want to clear this up once and for all and give the American people a simple yes or no answer, but there’s no time! I think I smell smoke!”

A solid debate, indeed.

Nero Surprised To Learn That All He Had To Do To Stop Christians From Gathering Was Declare A Pandemic - The Babylon Bee

The infamous, oppressive ruler of Rome wasted a lot of energy trying to stop Christians from worshiping Jesus when all along, churches would apparently have just shut down voluntarily if he’d just told them there was a virus with a 99.7% recovery rate going around.

New York City’s Ultra-Orthodox Jewish Leaders Decry New Lockdown Measures - WSJ

Many of the targeted areas have a high concentration of ultra-Orthodox Jews, who are in the middle of a religious holiday, Sukkot.

Unconstitutional abuse of power. But what else has the past seven months been?

Pelosi’s Taxpayer Ransom Demand - WSJ

A Republican President was willing to spend an amount that was half the federal budget only a few years ago, and Mrs. Pelosi said no. Some spirit of compromise.

Psst… G’Day, Australia! Just Wanted To Let You Know That We Always Liked You Better Than Those Dumb Americans - The Babylon Bee

What’s up, Australia! Having a nice afternoon? Americans are all sleeping right now, so while they’re down for the night, we just wanted to let you know that all along, we’ve been on your side.

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying - The Babylon Bee

As the president begins to show signs of recovery, many worry that this sends the wrong message about the seriousness of the global pandemic.

Woman Immediately Healed After Touching Hem Of Trump’s Suit Jacket - The Babylon Bee

The story of President Trump’s miraculous healing from the deadly China Virus has spread all across the nation. This led one woman, in her desperation, to seek out the president after all her doctors had failed to heal her of her deadly COVID ailment.

My son drew a cat at school today. It is very cute!

Trump’s Hospital Room Flooded With ‘Get Dead Soon’ Cards From Democrats - The Babylon Bee

Such cards have become so popular that Hallmark has added a “For Sick Presidents You Don’t Like” section

Trump Briefly Leaves Hospital To Wave To Supporters From F-22 Raptor - The Babylon Bee

“America!” the president cried as he flew by the ecstatic crowd, though they couldn’t hear him over the roar of the fighter jet’s engines.

Apps are super slow to roll out their widget support.