Chet Collins

138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa's Nice List In Middle Of Night - The Babylon Bee

After sorting kids according to their niceness or naughtiness for hours, Santa had abruptly stopped counting and gone to bed, saying he was tired and taking a break for the night, even though he is magical and does not need to sleep. A team of unsupervised elves reportedly continued the counting against North Pole guidelines, and around 3 a.m. there was a sudden dump of over 138,000 kids put on the nice list. The software also switched kids over from the naughty to the nice list at random.

A Touching Gesture: Kamala Harris Just Sent Joe Biden 17 Get Well Soon Puppies - The Babylon Bee

She’s really thought of everything! Keep reading The Babylon Bee for tough coverage of her favorite Thanksgiving recipes and what kind of shoes she’s wearing!

Trump Plans To Upstage Biden Inauguration By Jumping The Grand Canyon In A Rocket Car - The Babylon Bee

Trump says he is going to be a “Good Knievel” and do the stunt perfectly.

2020 Rated Worst Year Ever, Provided You Never Lived At Any Other Time In History | The Babylon Bee

While we understand it hasn’t been easy, we also found very few instances of Viking raids, Black Plague, famine, world war, using rotary telephones, needing to look things up in a physical dictionary, slavery, people being burned at the stake, walking miles to school, living in caves, sleeping on the ground, ice ages, Nazi holocausts, civil war, infant mortality, global floods, ethnic cleansing, using leaves as toilet paper, using leeches as medicine, using wooden mallets as an anesthetic, fighting wild saber-tooth tigers, cannibalism, occupation by the Persian Empire…

Got that new house.

Gretchen Whitmer Casts Spell On Michigan So It Is Always Winter And Never Christmas - The Babylon Bee

There are whispers of an orange-haired hero who will someday return to reclaim the throne, end the winter, and bring back Christmas. Unfortunately, he has been delayed by what he claims is a “totally rigged and fraudulent election.”

Big day.

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Timing package arrivals and delivery addresses when moving is an art. And sometimes it really just works!

Moving day is here! Trucks are on their way, house is ready to go. Now all I need is a place for them to deliver to tomorrow!

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Frosted. ⛄️

Biden’s Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter - The Babylon Bee

“Nothing to see here,” insisted a spokesperson. “Biden will be calling a lid during his 2-week recovery time and looks forward to reappearing to take charge of the country and defeat the virus!”

This is satire, but the continuation of the Biden unavailability from the campaign is really disheartening.

Biden All-Female Communications Team Won’t Tell Nation What’s Wrong, Nation Should Already Know - The Babylon Bee

The press has been frantically buying flowers, chocolates, and jewelry for the communications team in hopes of receiving some clue as to what the heck is going on. The team responded by rolling their eyes and going to bed early due to a really bad headache.

This is going to be a great four years!

Still a classic! Sweatshirt from my first job.

Purging my house and throwing so many things away is incredibly liberating!!

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First Sunday of Advent? Cue the Christmas music!!

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In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay - The Babylon Bee

In her written opinion, which she wrote in 3 minutes without consulting any notes, ACB said: “Yeah… so, the First Amendment includes freedom of religion and assembly. I asked my clerks to see whether there was a ‘virus clause’ somewhere in there and they didn’t find any. I’m just a Supreme Court Justice and I’m not allowed to remove amendments, so yeah – the First Amendment stays. Sorry guys.”

Movers come on Tuesday. Just finished up some administrative work. Time to shut down the iMac and take apart my desk.

Grey sky morning.