Chet Collins

Facebook To Require Masks In All Profile Pictures - The Babylon Bee

If you don’t have a mask, Facebook offers digital mask filters to give the appearance that you’re wearing one. Those who refuse the mask will be asked to delete their accounts.

Father’s Only Spare Moment To Play Video Games Spent Downloading Updates - The Babylon Bee

“Sometimes you just need to get by yourself, fire up the Xbox, and download 80 gigs of patches”

Unable To Take Down Nuns With The Courts, Obama Turns To Vigilante Justice - The Babylon Bee

“If the law is inadequate to force nuns to pay for abortifacients, then I must take things outside the law,” said Obama as he donned a homemade costume.

Not sure why Philips Hue light bulbs take an hour per bulb to download an update.

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Former Fox News Anchor Shepard Smith Joins CNBC to Host Evening Newscast - WSJ

CNBC Chairman Mark Hoffman said Mr. Smith’s show will try to be a counter to news and commentary programming.

This is quite a development.

Australia Suspends Extradition Treaty With Hong Kong Over China’s National-Security Law - WSJ

suspending its extradition treaty with Hong Kong and giving the city’s residents a pathway to staying permanently in response to China’s decision to impose new national-security legislation

Excellent!

The stakes are especially high for Australia because of the importance of its economic relationship with China, its biggest two-way trade partner.

It might be time for a second look at the TPP.

Supreme Court rules for Little Sisters of the Poor in long-running dispute over birth control mandate - Washington Examiner

“Our life’s work and great joy is serving the elderly poor and we are so grateful that the contraceptive mandate will no longer steal our attention from our calling,” said Mother Loraine Marie Maguire

Rocky Balboa Statue Goes 15 Rounds Against Rioters - The Babylon Bee

The weak, sissy rioters charged the statue and started punching it, hurting their little man-baby hands and running away to cry to their parents, whom they probably still live with. A second wave came in, but Rocky stood strong. Things got a little dicey in the seventh round, when one rioter threw a rope around the statue and suggested everyone start rocking it back and forth, but then their soft, buttery smooth hands got chafed by the rope and they had to call it quits to nurse their wounds with coconut oil.

Governors Reinstate Lockdowns To Combat Recovering Economy - The Babylon Bee

The governors noticed that people were happier with their lives, glad they could go back to work and reopen their businesses, and having fun outside. Unable to tolerate this kind of freedom and general satisfaction with life in the age of Trump, they scrambled to lock back down.

Supreme Court OKs Religious and Moral Exemptions for Birth-Control Coverage - WSJ

The judgment came on a 7-2 vote

Glad to see broad consensus. The government, whenever able, should provide reasonable relief to conscientious objectors. This is an excellent principle to uphold.

My daughter can’t say every word clearly, but she’s mastered “chocolate.”

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Chicago Mayor Says Fourth Of July Weekend Was ‘Mostly Peaceful’ - The Babylon Bee

“Yes, there were a few run-of-the-mill murders and shootings, but hey. We just call that a Saturday here.”

‘I Definitely Wouldn’t Have Supported The Holocaust If I Lived In Nazi Germany,’ Says Woman Who Supports Abortion Today - The Babylon Bee

thinking herself enlightened by the glorious morality of the current year and not susceptible to being deceived as brutish, barbaric humans were in ages past.

Ad Campaign Says Don’t Let Covid-19 Fear Delay Doctor Visits - WSJ

asks patients to “stop medical distancing.”

Catchy!

“Stay six feet away from others, stay close with your doctor”

Also good.

U.S. Customs Officials Target Suspected Forced Labor From China’s Xinjiang Region - WSJ

The Chinese Embassy in Washington described the allegations of mistreatment of its Uighur population and of forced labor in Xinjiang as a smear campaign and accused the U.S. of meddling in China’s domestic affairs.

So is it a smear or a domestic affair?

Get Excited, Gamers! Activision Shot Down A French Plane Over Icelandic Waters To Start A New War To Set ‘Call Of Duty’ Games In

After weeks of brainstorming, it was agreed that the only thing that could invigorate the series was a fresh, compelling war in a unique environment and that calling in airstrikes in a 64-player ground war across the stunning glaciers of Iceland was just the ticket.

I’m always amazed at the difference that software updates can make.

Not sure why entire days of heavy, soaking rain is so hard to forecast. ⛈

States Take Aim at People With No Retirement Plan - WSJ

Colorado will offer an auto-IRA. Under this type of plan, employers automatically enroll employees and set up payroll deductions. Employers must offer a plan—either a state-administered IRA or something else they set up on their own. Employees can opt out of the plan, but they have to explicitly make that choice. The data shows that most employees don’t opt out.

Stealthily siphoning people’s wages via withholding and hoping they don’t notice. Tricking people into saving is a bad strategy.

Defend America’s History—and Retake Its Institutions - WSJ

That was quick.

At the end of the 20th century, the U.S. had won World War II and the Cold War, liberated half the planet from history’s most dehumanizing ideologies, advanced a free-market capitalism that had led more humans out of poverty than any economic system ever devised, and given the world the richest bounty of intellectual, cultural and scientific capital since the Enlightenment. Americans could—and did—look at themselves and the nation they had built with immense pride.

Twenty years later much of the country’s political leadership, almost its entire academic establishment, most of the people who control its news and cultural output, and a good deal of its corporate elite view America as an irredeemably malignant force for enslavement and oppression, a uniquely evil power founded on an ideology of racial supremacy. These Jacobins demand that Americans repudiate most of the nation’s history, tear down the icons of its creation, and engage in a cultural expurgation of its sins.

All gold.