Tips For Saving Money On Groceries - The Onion

Hire a private investigator to take photographs of Kroger cashiers in compromising situations that you can use to blackmail them during checkout. 

Big changes coming at work, re-thinking everything. Checked out Arc after hearing about it for months. This is so good!

Couple Denied Marriage License After Failing To Prove Love Beyond Reasonable Doubt - The Onion

Judge Luther Hanscom, whose ruling found insufficient grounds to suggest Fields and Garcia’s bond was meant to last forever, concluding it was plausible they were participants in nothing more than a simple fling.

Time to eat.

A Pop Star Wanted the Filibuster Dead. Democrats Are Still Trying to Kill It. - WSJ

It wasn’t a topic Senate Democrats were expecting musician John Legend to ask them about. But during a 2019 donor event held at Legend’s California home, the pop star pressed lawmakers on how they would actually pass the policies they were proposing—given the hurdle of the Senate filibuster. That rule requires 60 votes for most bills to advance, rather than a simple majority, and Legend wanted Democrats to end it.

I’m sure John Legend spent years thinking deeply about the practical implications of this rule change. After all, Celebrity = Genius.

Sunrise over the lake.

Let’s fly.

Exclusive | U.S. Port Workers Agree to End Their Strike - WSJ

President Biden applauded the agreement, saying in a statement, “Collective bargaining works, and it is critical to building a stronger economy from the middle out and the bottom up.”

My guess is the terminals and shipping lines will eat the 62% increase in their labor cost and it definitely won’t show up in the form of higher prices on the few consumer goods that are transported by boat.

Rainy afternoon.

9 Great Investments To Help You Survive A Kamala Harris Administration - Babylon Bee

Jewish beeper company: Business is booming for these guys.

Dawn Unveils New Small Silver Bell For Summoning Butler To Deal With Dishes - The Onion

Protect your soft, supple hands from the curse of labor and never again strain your voice while shouting for your manservant. Give the Dawn bell a dainty shake and consider the dishes done.

Adding this to my Christmas list.

In Brief Moment Of Lucidity, Biden Endorses Trump - Babylon Bee

The stunning incident was the first momentary instance of Biden showing any sense of clarity, coherence, and good judgment, as he paused to put on a “TRUMP 2024” baseball cap during a campaign stop at a local fire station.

It’s 2024 and it took 41 minutes on the phone to cancel my home internet service.

And if you cancel three days into a 30 day billing cycle, you have to pay for full service through the entire cycle.

Internet service providers are absolute garbage.

Nation Eagerly Anticipates Two Brightest Minds In Country Meeting In Respectful, Productive Dialogue - Babylon Bee

A recent survey showed Americans can’t wait to witness the cordial meeting of two towering intellects when Donald Trump and Kamala Harris gather to thoughtfully chew over the most pressing issues of the day.

Cybertruck Owner Brags About High-Tech Pedal That Makes Vehicle Accelerate When Pressed  - The Onion

he felt like “some sort cyberpunk bounty hunter” when he used his foot to apply pressure to a lever that increased the vehicle’s speed in proportion to how much he pressed the innovative device.

It’s remarkable how quickly I forget things. Just a few months ago, we started our summer vacation, allowing me to dedicate more of my focus to work tasks throughout the day. Sure, the kids would still ping me throughout the day, but I was able to complete tasks large and small with ease.

School’s back in session, and I’m managing not only my to-do list, but the to-do lists of three of my children. As one child is given direction and I settle back into my project, the next arrives. It’s a truly uncomfortable feeling.

In moments like these, when my mind is constantly being distracted, I fall back onto my systems. My task list is divided into groups by priority, everything I need to do is in there, and I no longer have to track or remember what needs to be done. With a calm inbox, I can step in and out of my work, help my kids move forward in theirs, and avoid the delay and frustration that comes with distraction.

It is not easy, but it is doable. When I trust the system, the impossible become possible.

Back to Day One.

First day of school, cool outside, windows open, everyone’s at their desks.

🍂📘

End of summer.