Chet Collins

With No Pope to Oversee Them, Cardinals Stay Up All Night Playing Goldeneye And Building Pillow Forts - Babylon Bee

But at some point during the funeral proceedings, it dawned on one of the cardinals from Africa that they could really stretch this whole conclave business out as long as possible and get in some great “bro time.”

Actually Grilled Cheese

Gretchen Whitmer Sneaks Into White House Again - Babylon Bee

My people told me I had a meeting, and in comes this person wearing a set of curtains. Like a black ghost. That’s what she looked like. But she wasn’t scary, she was actually very nice. A nice black ghost, whoever she was.

Parenting Experts Share Tips For Talking To Kids About Being Heir To Throne Of Small European Kingdom - The Onion

Discovering their royal birthright as a small European nation’s sovereign can be a rocky period in a child’s life, so it’s important that parents remind them that it’s perfectly normal to be surrounded by a scheming coterie of backstabbing advisors vying for their favor.

Goodnight, Sweet Prince: It’s Time To Move The Software Installer To The Trash - Clickhole

The moment your software successfully downloads is a joyous one, of course, but tinged with sadness, too. For though it means you may finally use your application as you wish, you must first part ways with the one who led you here.

We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.

Marcus Aurelius

Unbelievably gorgeous day.

☀️

First night of the grilling season!

🍔

Dalai Lama Quietly Cancels Scheduled Meeting With JD Vance - Babylon Bee

“His Holiness the Dalai Lama realized he was double-booked,” said a spokesmonk. “He was looking forward to meeting Vice President Vance and hopes to do so someday, but he forgot that he was supposed to go to that one place and meet someone and talk about something. It’s important and has nothing to do with today’s unfortunate news about Pope Francis.”