Goliath Claims He Only Lost Because He Fought David On Slightly Sloped Surface - Babylon Bee

According to the scroll, the Israelites were quick to point out that the hill David was standing on only had a five-degree slope. The Philistines, however, vehemently maintained that it wasn’t a fair fight because it violated safety rules for Goliath to try to fight on any sort of inclined terrain.

At publishing time, another portion of the scroll revealed Goliath explaining that he was just one quick head turn away from David’s sling causing nothing but a scratched ear.

Quarantining the Conspiracy Swamps - WSJ Opinion

Mr. Biden was employing a metaphor, however inapt given our current political distemper. He wasn’t giving orders to anyone to shoot Mr. Trump, and if he wanted to do so he wouldn’t do it in public. Mr. Collins is among those who think Mr. Biden lacks the mental acuity to be President, but he then accuses him of masterminding a conspiracy.

The Shooting of Donald Trump - WSJ Opinion

The near assassination of Donald Trump could be a moment that catalyzes more hatred and an even worse cycle of violence. If that is how it goes, God help us.

Or it could be a redemptive moment that leads to introspection and political debate that is fierce but not cast as Armageddon. The country was spared the worst on Saturday and this is a chance to pull out of a partisan death spiral. That is the leadership Americans are desperate to see.

Dinner in a food hall

The world is a dangerous place.

The trend towards a full-blown gerontocracy is deeply troubling. The American voter is more concerned with getting their team into power than what’s best for the country.

The President is largely incoherent, Mitch McConnell freezes, John Fetterman had a stroke on the campaign trail and was elected very early in his recovery, and Rep. Jennifer Wexford has a severe neurological condition that has taken away her speech.

We cannot regain our youth or our health, and there’s great dignity and maturity in acknowledging those sobering thoughts.

The business of protecting the free world and governing the world’s preeminent democracy takes serious people who are leaders in their field and at the top of their game. Safeguarding our liberty requires nothing less.

Biden Accidentally Introduces Ukraine’s Zelensky as ‘President Putin’ - WSJ

“Now I want to hand it over to the President of Ukraine, who has as much courage as he has determination, ladies and gentlemen, President Putin,” Biden said. He quickly corrected himself: “President Putin? He’s going to beat President Putin. President Zelensky. I’m so focused on beating Putin, we’ve gotta worry about it.”

I just opened the Voice Memos app and found years old recordings of my infant daughters laughing.

It made me smile.

Janet Yellen Reassures Nation That Biden’s Dementia Is Transitory - Babylon Bee

Yellen’s statement was endorsed by several White House insiders, including Jill Biden, Hunter Biden, Ashley Biden, James Biden, and Valerie Biden Owens.

Dozens of planes fly over us everyday without our noticing, flying to destinations near and far. It’s a small rhythm of life that occurs, often without our knowing.

Frequently, I’ll pull up the FlightRadar24 to see what kind of plane it is, and where it’s heading. Many of these planes are on international trips, starting or ending a ridiculously long trip.

Regardless, of the destination, hundreds of people are sitting on an airplane just a few miles above my head. That is an amazing thing to contemplate.