McConnell Says Senate Should Not Confirm New Supreme Court Nominee Just Three Years Before Presidential Election - The Babylon Bee

When asked about the inconsistency of the standards he is applying and the apparent hypocrisy given that Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed just a week before Election Day, McConnell just chuckled slyly and said, “I know. How cool was that?”

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer to Retire - WSJ

The moral of the story is that bullying and harassment gets results!

Experian to Allow Consumers to Create Their Own Credit Reports - WSJ

“The better the representation of every individual we have, the more successful we are as a company,” said Craig Boundy, chief of Experian North America.

Creep.

The company plans to pitch credit cards that consumers who sign up for this service are likely to get approved for.

Referrals for which Experian will collect a finders fee.

This isn’t about access, it’s about profit for Experian.

When you’re too little to make your bed, so your big bro takes care of it for you.

Biden Puts 8,000 Troops On Alert In Case Peter Doocy Retaliates - The Babylon Bee

Milley quickly made a phone call to get his troops mobilized. He then made another call to give Peter Doocy a heads up.

Classic Milley!

Robot and Benedict in his flight suit with name tag.

🤖

Ukraine Invites Kyle Rittenhouse To Guard Their Border - The Babylon Bee

“Yo, Kyle, hope all is well. Hey listen, our citizens are under threat from Putin and his d-bag army,” texted Ukrainian Minister of Defense, Sergei Ukrainovich to America’s national hero, Kyle Rittenhouse. “Could u do us a solid and come guard our border? Bring ur AR-15 lol thx.”

Biden Administration Mounts Daring Mission To Evacuate Hunter’s Remaining Cash From Ukraine - The Babylon Bee

The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey. Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to discuss closing the account. In the end, the soldiers strategically left the building with a giant cargo net filled with millions of U.S. dollars. 

These juicy mission details will really inform the forthcoming book, movie, and podcast series.

Supreme Court Rules for Northwestern Employees in Retirement-Plan Case - WSJ

They also alleged that the high number of investment options caused confusion and poor decisions by plan participants.

SCOTUS accepting this argument and ruling in its favor could have terrible consequences for employer sponsored plan options going forward.

How many is too many? You could have 10+ target date funds to meet current employee retirement dates. So is that 33% or 50% of the options?

And since when is fewer options better?

Employee plans aim to meet the objectives of entry level and C-suite employees of all ages and investment philosophies. They need a broad mix of funds and asset classes to meet everyone’s needs. That, or we need to just let people pick their own registered investments and stop treating them like children with their own money.

Pentagon Places Thousands of Troops on Standby for Deployment to Eastern Europe in Standoff With Russia - WSJ

The U.S. military has ordered up to 8,500 U.S. troops on standby to potentially deploy to Eastern Europe amid heightened tensions over Russia’s presence near Ukraine’s border, in what amounts to an escalation toward U.S. military involvement, U.S. officials said.

This is the kind of thing that keeps Russia up at night.

Now let’s activate 35,000 more and reopen the Air Bridge to Europe.

Australian Prime Minister Loses Control of Account on China’s WeChat - WSJ

“We have never and have no interest in interfering with other countries.”

That’s an official quote from the Chinese Foreign Ministry.

John Blaxland, a professor of international security and intelligence studies at Australian National University, said the WeChat incident illustrated how Chinese social-media platforms operating in Australia could be exploited by Beijing to interfere in local politics.

And elsewhere.

Build Back Better? Fix Medicaid First - WSJ Opinion

“It is no coincidence,” the FGA says, “that the two states with the highest publicly available improper payment rates have expanded Medicaid under ObamaCare.” Since that expansion, the national rate of bad payments has “nearly quadrupled.”

The bigger the program, the greater the waste.

Here’s an idea: Before Congress spends billions of dollars on tomorrow’s Great Society, it should deal with the fact that Medicaid cannot account for more than $1 out of every $5 it spends.

Why the Sustainable Investment Craze Is Flawed - WSJ

The financial industry has spotted an opportunity to make money by helping people feel good about themselves. Despite claims to the contrary, these investments don’t do much to make the world a better place.

The entire article could’ve ended after this opening paragraph.

ESG is about making investors feel good, effecting no change, and enriching the fund companies.

Sadly, selling off assets or shares by itself does nothing to save the planet, because someone else bought them. Just as much oil and coal is dug up and burned as before, under different ownership.

Facts not highlighted in ESG fund marketing.

Someone has to take a loss somewhere if fossil fuels are going to be left in the ground rather than extracted and sold. ESG investors’ hope is that the losses will fall on other people. The problem is that less environmentally-minded investors buying those shares, oil wells or power plants are absolutely not going to shut them down unless they stop being profitable.

Maggie the Cow

I get my best ideas when I’m walking.

San Francisco Store Clerk Confused As Shopper Actually Tries To Pay For Merchandise - The Babylon Bee

“We get lots of looters, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register.”

Germany Blocks NATO Ally From Transferring Weapons to Ukraine - WSJ

Germany is blocking North Atlantic Treaty Organization ally Estonia from giving military support to Ukraine by refusing to issue permits for German-origin weapons to be exported to Kyiv as it braces for a potential Russian invasion.

Germany really wants to date Russia.

U.S. Suspends 44 Flights to China Operated by Chinese Airlines - WSJ

China’s border controls have been among the toughest in the world throughout the pandemic.

Except for that one time when they let the virus escape.

A New Biden Answer for Unfulfilled Promises - WSJ Opinion

You know, I was — I did a couple-hour press conference the other day, and I got asked the question I used to get asked: “Well, you promised.” No, I proposed.

That’s why they call them Campaign Proposals! Like that one time I told Charlemagne tha God that I would cancel $10,000 of student loans immediately. That was just a proposal.

More Starbucks Baristas Across the U.S. Are Looking to Unionize - WSJ

In less than three months, the effort by Starbucks Workers United, the union that has backed the Buffalo campaign, has led union election petitions to be filed with the NLRB in Chicago, Boston, Cleveland, Seattle and other cities, agency filings show.

I’d like to form a union to protect honest, hard-working Americans from terrible Starbucks coffee.

Nation’s largest abortion protest could be last under Roe - ABC News

The March for Life, for decades an annual protest against abortion

Congratulations to the Associated Press! They’ve just heard about this obscure gathering that’s apparently been taking place on the same day every year for five decades and decided it warrants some coverage.

Wedding Feast Of The Lamb To Be Catered By Chick-fil-A - The Babylon Bee

“It’s a little hard to plan for because we haven’t been told the exact day or hour of the event, but we’ll be ready and waiting.” “As long as it’s not on a Sunday,” they added.

Where should I send my RSVP?