Robot and Benedict in his flight suit with name tag.

🤖

Ukraine Invites Kyle Rittenhouse To Guard Their Border - The Babylon Bee

“Yo, Kyle, hope all is well. Hey listen, our citizens are under threat from Putin and his d-bag army,” texted Ukrainian Minister of Defense, Sergei Ukrainovich to America’s national hero, Kyle Rittenhouse. “Could u do us a solid and come guard our border? Bring ur AR-15 lol thx.”

Biden Administration Mounts Daring Mission To Evacuate Hunter’s Remaining Cash From Ukraine - The Babylon Bee

The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey. Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to discuss closing the account. In the end, the soldiers strategically left the building with a giant cargo net filled with millions of U.S. dollars. 

These juicy mission details will really inform the forthcoming book, movie, and podcast series.

Supreme Court Rules for Northwestern Employees in Retirement-Plan Case - WSJ

They also alleged that the high number of investment options caused confusion and poor decisions by plan participants.

SCOTUS accepting this argument and ruling in its favor could have terrible consequences for employer sponsored plan options going forward.

How many is too many? You could have 10+ target date funds to meet current employee retirement dates. So is that 33% or 50% of the options?

And since when is fewer options better?

Employee plans aim to meet the objectives of entry level and C-suite employees of all ages and investment philosophies. They need a broad mix of funds and asset classes to meet everyone’s needs. That, or we need to just let people pick their own registered investments and stop treating them like children with their own money.

Pentagon Places Thousands of Troops on Standby for Deployment to Eastern Europe in Standoff With Russia - WSJ

The U.S. military has ordered up to 8,500 U.S. troops on standby to potentially deploy to Eastern Europe amid heightened tensions over Russia’s presence near Ukraine’s border, in what amounts to an escalation toward U.S. military involvement, U.S. officials said.

This is the kind of thing that keeps Russia up at night.

Now let’s activate 35,000 more and reopen the Air Bridge to Europe.

Australian Prime Minister Loses Control of Account on China’s WeChat - WSJ

“We have never and have no interest in interfering with other countries.”

That’s an official quote from the Chinese Foreign Ministry.

John Blaxland, a professor of international security and intelligence studies at Australian National University, said the WeChat incident illustrated how Chinese social-media platforms operating in Australia could be exploited by Beijing to interfere in local politics.

And elsewhere.

Build Back Better? Fix Medicaid First - WSJ Opinion

“It is no coincidence,” the FGA says, “that the two states with the highest publicly available improper payment rates have expanded Medicaid under ObamaCare.” Since that expansion, the national rate of bad payments has “nearly quadrupled.”

The bigger the program, the greater the waste.

Here’s an idea: Before Congress spends billions of dollars on tomorrow’s Great Society, it should deal with the fact that Medicaid cannot account for more than $1 out of every $5 it spends.

Why the Sustainable Investment Craze Is Flawed - WSJ

The financial industry has spotted an opportunity to make money by helping people feel good about themselves. Despite claims to the contrary, these investments don’t do much to make the world a better place.

The entire article could’ve ended after this opening paragraph.

ESG is about making investors feel good, effecting no change, and enriching the fund companies.

Sadly, selling off assets or shares by itself does nothing to save the planet, because someone else bought them. Just as much oil and coal is dug up and burned as before, under different ownership.

Facts not highlighted in ESG fund marketing.

Someone has to take a loss somewhere if fossil fuels are going to be left in the ground rather than extracted and sold. ESG investors’ hope is that the losses will fall on other people. The problem is that less environmentally-minded investors buying those shares, oil wells or power plants are absolutely not going to shut them down unless they stop being profitable.

Maggie the Cow

I get my best ideas when I’m walking.

San Francisco Store Clerk Confused As Shopper Actually Tries To Pay For Merchandise - The Babylon Bee

“We get lots of looters, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register.”

Germany Blocks NATO Ally From Transferring Weapons to Ukraine - WSJ

Germany is blocking North Atlantic Treaty Organization ally Estonia from giving military support to Ukraine by refusing to issue permits for German-origin weapons to be exported to Kyiv as it braces for a potential Russian invasion.

Germany really wants to date Russia.

U.S. Suspends 44 Flights to China Operated by Chinese Airlines - WSJ

China’s border controls have been among the toughest in the world throughout the pandemic.

Except for that one time when they let the virus escape.

A New Biden Answer for Unfulfilled Promises - WSJ Opinion

You know, I was — I did a couple-hour press conference the other day, and I got asked the question I used to get asked: “Well, you promised.” No, I proposed.

That’s why they call them Campaign Proposals! Like that one time I told Charlemagne tha God that I would cancel $10,000 of student loans immediately. That was just a proposal.

More Starbucks Baristas Across the U.S. Are Looking to Unionize - WSJ

In less than three months, the effort by Starbucks Workers United, the union that has backed the Buffalo campaign, has led union election petitions to be filed with the NLRB in Chicago, Boston, Cleveland, Seattle and other cities, agency filings show.

I’d like to form a union to protect honest, hard-working Americans from terrible Starbucks coffee.

Nation’s largest abortion protest could be last under Roe - ABC News

The March for Life, for decades an annual protest against abortion

Congratulations to the Associated Press! They’ve just heard about this obscure gathering that’s apparently been taking place on the same day every year for five decades and decided it warrants some coverage.

Wedding Feast Of The Lamb To Be Catered By Chick-fil-A - The Babylon Bee

“It’s a little hard to plan for because we haven’t been told the exact day or hour of the event, but we’ll be ready and waiting.” “As long as it’s not on a Sunday,” they added.

Where should I send my RSVP?

TIAA Offers Annuity Product for Corporate 401(k) Retirement Plans - WSJ

American workers who crave steady retirement paychecks in the absence of old-fashioned pension plans are getting more alternatives as another money manager launches an annuity offering for corporate 401(k) retirement-savings programs.

And they will pay through the nose for the privilege. How this meets a fiduciary standard is beyond me.

Called the TIAA Secure Income Account

By which, of course, they mean TIAA’s plan to secure steady corporate income streams via market-leading high fees.

TIAA has paid more than $500 billion to millions of educators and nonprofit employees since its founding in 1918, said Colbert Narcisse, TIAA’s chief product and business development officer.

“Please don’t look at how much TIAA made in fees on those payouts,” Narcisse added, one assumes.

Shockingly, the intrepid reporter for this piece forgot to mention the investment performance or expense ratio on this fabulous product!

I was looking through the _On This Day_ feature in Day One this morning, and came across this entry from nine years ago.

For many months I have wanted to start a blog. I was not sure on which topic I could speak with authority, to the point where I would add value to the marketplace. I decided, after much thought, that there is a void on information about living as an authentically Catholic husband and what marriage really is. So, I started. I took the first step. I am going to call my blog “Catholic Husband.”

Nearly nine years and 856 posts later, this simple paragraph brings a smile to my face. _Catholic Husband_ will celebration 10 year next March. I think that deserves something special.

Havana Syndrome Unlikely Caused by Russia, Other U.S Foes, CIA Says - WSJ

“We are pursuing this complex issue with analytic rigor, sound tradecraft, and compassion and have dedicated intensive resources to this challenge,” CIA Director William Burns

I love to hear when the offensive capability organizations of the United States government are using compassion.

Pig Kidneys Transplanted Into Brain-Dead Man as Patients Face Organ Shortages - WSJ

The experimental surgery, which proceeded after discussions with ethicists and after Mr. Parsons’s family consented to the experiment, is part of a decadeslong effort to ease the chronic shortage of donor organs by allowing critically ill patients to receive pig organs rather than human ones.

I have profound doubt that this was indeed an ethically valid decision.

Earlier this month doctors at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore performed the first transplantation of a genetically modified pig heart into a living human after receiving authorization from the FDA.

Here’s the key distinction between these similar cases. The Maryland heart transplant was done in an effort to save the patient’s life. They remain hospitalized, but alive.

The Alabama kidney transplant was performed on a patient who will not survive his injuries. His life was only sustained so that this experimental transplant could be performed, not because it created an avenue of possible recovery.

They said they stopped the experiment when mechanical support was no longer sufficient to maintain Mr. Parsons’s physiological processes.

Translation: life-support was only withdrawn when his body was no longer useful to the experiment, far past the point of a dignity-affirming natural death.

10 Surefire Ways To Get Out Of Wearing A Mask When Someone Tells You To - The Babylon Bee

Put on your “Trump Won” mask - They’ll instantly regret their decision to make you wear one. 4D chess!