45 Things Trump Is Promising For His Second Term - Babylon Bee

5. Make the southern border an epic American Ninja Warrior course so only the best ninja warriors get into the country

We need more ninja warriors in this country.

Post-Reconciliation views.

Man’s Day Sure Would Brighten Up If An A-10 Warthog Would Fly Overhead Right About Now - Babylon Bee

Participants in the study reported an average increase of 87% in happiness level whenever an A-10 made its presence known. One respondent commented, “I could be stuck in the worst traffic jam, but if an A-10 suddenly swooped down, I’d forget all my problems.

Misty morning.

South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott Suspends Republican Presidential Campaign - WSJ

Scott’s exit follows the departure of former Vice President Mike Pence who left the GOP field last month after also struggling to gain traction.

A positive sign that the mistakes of the 2016 primary won’t be repeated.

Pope Francis Fires Bishop For Being Too Catholic - Babylon Bee

“Bishop Strickland had the incredible audacity to actually teach the Catechism of the Catholic Church,” said Cardinal Robert McElroy. “Like, even the really unpopular parts about gender and marriage. That stuff is so - how did the Pope say it - ‘backwards and out-of-touch’!”

Cain Calls For Ceasefire After Killing Abel - Babylon Bee

“It’s time to put a stop to the senseless violence,” said Cain as he checked Abel’s pulse to make sure he was dead. “Everyone can lay down their weapons now!”