SNL Writers Denigrate Successful African-American Businessman - The Babylon Bee

According to tweets about the reported rumors, some of the cast of SNL are refusing to work with the successful immigrant inventor, and will instead stand in a nearby corner and sigh as loud as they can. 

It’s 2021!

When out on an adventure with my four kids, I like to be ready. I used to have a pretty basic load out in my bag, primarily carrying a change of clothes for each kid. This year, I decided to take it up a few notches.

My wife gave me a new backpack for my birthday. I took this opportunity to rethink my daily carry and to introduce equipment that I should always have with me. I went around the house and grabbed supplies to build an everyday carry toolkit.

I keep my toolkit in an OD Green pouch. It’s a great color that’s the perfect alternative to the standard black/blue/grey color options. As a bonus, it has a nice heritage piece from my military upbringing. On the outside, I have an “Essential” morale tab for a bit of humor.

Here’s what’s inside:

• Pry bar
• Bits
• Farmer Alox Swiss Army Knife
• Leatherman Squirt P4
• Work gloves
• Lightning/USB-C charging cables
• Backup pocket knife
• Multitool/fork/spoon
• Olight SR2 Baton flashlight
• Velcro quick ties

It’s a compact toolset, but it’s ready for quick access and action. I’m looking forward to having this in my bag, ready to go.

Biden’s Vaccine IP Debacle - WSJ

The U.S. has spent years deploring China’s theft of American IP, and now the Biden Administration may voluntarily let China could reap profits from decades of American innovation.

This is among the worst ideas. Ever.

Chick-fil-a royalty.

CIA Breaks Up ISIS Plot To Use Incorrect Pronouns - The Babylon Bee

“That’s literal violence,” explained CIA Agent MaKenna Wallace, a recent Gen Z hire with a degree in women’s studies. “I’m shaking right now just thinking of it.” The CIA jumped into action, though, and got those ISIS members kicked off Twitter.

They may be down, but they are certainly not out according to this deeply disturbing report.

Nice day.

Peloton Recalls Treadmills, Halts Tread+ Sales Over Safety Concerns - WSJ

Peloton’s share price fell nearly 15% on Wednesday to an eight-month low.

This is why you shouldn’t play single stocks.

Husband’s Binge Of ‘Executive Actions’ Leads To Shaky Poll Numbers After First 100 Days Of Marriage - The Babylon Bee

“Kevin always said before we got married that he wanted us to decide things together, to compromise,” reported Ashley, Kevin’s wife. “All that changed the day we got married. Where we can travel, climate control in the car, what we will go into six million dollars of credit card debt for– he chooses everything!"

Signal Shares the Instagram Ads Facebook Doesn’t Want You to See - MacRumors

it attempted to show users how much data the Facebook-owned company collects about them and how it’s used to push targeted ads.

These ads are brilliant marketing. Ad targeting really is this specific.

U.S. Airlines Ditch Covid-Era Ticket Flexibility – AirlineGeeks.com

Airlines are scrapping flexible travel policies and reverting to pre-pandemic rules, meaning customers will need to pay attention to fare restrictions, especially those booking basic economy.

Dear Taxpayer,

Thanks for the free cash last year. It was the best!

Don’t worry though, nothing’s changed. We still hate you.

Looking forward to seeing you cattle on board soon!

Sincerely, American, Delta, and United Airlines

Who Would Pay Biden’s Corporate Tax Increase Is Key Question in Policy Debate - WSJ

The company’s share price could also be lower than it otherwise would be, hurting shareholders.

Some shareholders may be ultra-weathly, but a lot are ordinary people investing in their 401k.

The bottom 80% of households pay more than one-quarter of corporate taxes, according to the Tax Policy Center. The Biden administration, which says it won’t raise taxes on households making under $400,000, doesn’t consider those effects as breaking its pledge.

There’s going to be a lot of this over the next few years. It’s impossible to spend trillions of new dollars and not have it effect every single person. The irony is the people these plans are supposed to help are least able to absorb the fiscal consequences.

Got up on time. Treated to the day’s first light.

Bill and Melinda Gates to End Marriage - WSJ

ending their 27-year marriage

She’s a Mac.

People today like to cram a lot of big words together to make themselves sound smart and important. It’s as if they have some really new and important point to make that is irrefutable.

They must do it believing that it will earn them the respect and esteem of their peers. More signaling for their friends to show how moral they are and intelligent, too.

It’s a great plan that works just fine, until a logician shows up.

My wife inherited $800K. She put $300K toward our mortgage and $500K in her own bank account — after 35 years of marriage - MarketWatch

Your wife has used more than one-third of this money to pay off your joint mortgage. Inheritances are not considered community property, so she is clearly taking her time deciding what to do with it. While that may feel like a slap in the face after 35 years of marriage, she is legally entitled to do that, and personally entitled to do so too.

Dear Moneyist,

You know absolutely nothing about marriage.

Sincerely, Captain Obvious

Biden Relocates 20,000 National Guard Troops To Inner Cities To Snipe Menthol Cigarettes Out Of People’s Mouths - The Babylon Bee

“Listen, folks– we gotta do something about these incredibly refreshing and smooth menthol cigarettes,” said Biden.

Today is my 1,950th consecutive day of journaling using Day One.

Not bad.

Sunday afternoon at the zoo.

🦩