It’s 2024 and it took 41 minutes on the phone to cancel my home internet service.

And if you cancel three days into a 30 day billing cycle, you have to pay for full service through the entire cycle.

Internet service providers are absolute garbage.

Nation Eagerly Anticipates Two Brightest Minds In Country Meeting In Respectful, Productive Dialogue - Babylon Bee

A recent survey showed Americans can’t wait to witness the cordial meeting of two towering intellects when Donald Trump and Kamala Harris gather to thoughtfully chew over the most pressing issues of the day.

Cybertruck Owner Brags About High-Tech Pedal That Makes Vehicle Accelerate When Pressed  - The Onion

he felt like “some sort cyberpunk bounty hunter” when he used his foot to apply pressure to a lever that increased the vehicle’s speed in proportion to how much he pressed the innovative device.

It’s remarkable how quickly I forget things. Just a few months ago, we started our summer vacation, allowing me to dedicate more of my focus to work tasks throughout the day. Sure, the kids would still ping me throughout the day, but I was able to complete tasks large and small with ease.

School’s back in session, and I’m managing not only my to-do list, but the to-do lists of three of my children. As one child is given direction and I settle back into my project, the next arrives. It’s a truly uncomfortable feeling.

In moments like these, when my mind is constantly being distracted, I fall back onto my systems. My task list is divided into groups by priority, everything I need to do is in there, and I no longer have to track or remember what needs to be done. With a calm inbox, I can step in and out of my work, help my kids move forward in theirs, and avoid the delay and frustration that comes with distraction.

It is not easy, but it is doable. When I trust the system, the impossible become possible.

Back to Day One.

First day of school, cool outside, windows open, everyone’s at their desks.

🍂📘

End of summer.

Saturdays are for errands & cleaning.

🧺

End of an era.

Philanthropy FTW! The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Just Distributed 5,000 ‘Caution Wet Floor’ Signs To Some Of The Slipperiest Places In The World - Clickhole

the Gates Foundation has made it their mission to “slash global slipping rates in half, if not eradicate slipping entirely”—a cause inspired by Bill’s own experience slipping on a waxed floor at Microsoft headquarters while running towards a computer he wanted to turn on.

Study: Crows Intelligent Enough To Steal Trinkets, But Foolish Enough To Think Material Goods Will Solve Problems - The Onion

Goertz revealed that their findings had also indicated several species of crow were capable of mimicking human speech without understanding that sometimes it’s best to just sit back and listen.

Trump Props Up Trapper Keeper Around Campaign Plan To Prevent Kamala From Copying - Babylon Bee

According to sources, a representative from the Federal Election Commission (FEC) gave Harris a stern warning and told her to get back to work. Kamala Harris’s eyes darted quickly back to her notes — a blank piece of paper with the heading “My Presidential Plan” written at the top.

Kamala Explains 93% Of Staff Quit Because They Couldn’t Handle The Joy - Babylon Bee

“They quit because they are literally overdosing on joy,” Harris explained. “Almost no one on earth can stand being around this much joy for more than a few weeks. It’s my cross to bear.”

Philosopher’s Friends Constantly Pitching Him Ideas For Dilemmas - The Onion

Honestly, everybody thinks they can be a philosopher, but just because something metaphysically resonant happened to you doesn’t mean it would make a good dilemma.

The goal of evil is to divide, separate, isolate, shame, destroy.

The goal of Christ is to heal and unite, to harmonize in love.

And that’s the great battle that’s always underway.

- Fr. Boniface Hicks, OSB

I’m ‘bout to have a good day.

My favorite morning sky.

The End Of His Prime: This Man No Longer Has The Fertile Imagination And Boundless Creative Energy To Build His Own Subway Sandwich And Has To Order From The Regular Menu - Clickhole

“Let’s face it, building your own sandwich is a young man’s game, and I’m just not young anymore.”

After Two Weeks With Kamala, Tim Walz Announces He Has Signed Back Up With National Guard And Requested Deployment To Iraq - Babylon Bee

Though leaving the ticket after only two weeks, campaign staffers report that Walz actually set the record for the longest time any person has ever worked with Kamala.

Taliban Holds Parade In Honor Of Kamala’s Achievements In Afghanistan - Babylon Bee

“We could never have become this strong without Kamala Harris,” said Taliban spokesterrorist Hassan Al-Samir. “Though we were once a rag-tag band of goat herders causing trouble in the mountains, we are now a fully equipped military force. Thank you, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. You helped make us what we are today.”