Chet Collins

Old people take gifts to their doctors.

The thought never crossed my mind.

My favorite of all.

Putin Troop Buildup Near Ukraine Raises Concerns of Potential 2022 Invasion, U.S. Officials Say - WSJ

Mr. Blinken suggested earlier this week that if Russia invades Ukraine, the U.S. would deploy harsh economic sanctions of a type it has held back from using so far.

Golly, economic sanctions sure are scary!!!!

Time to decorate!

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Jerusalem, take off your robe of mourning and misery, put on the splendor of glory from God forever.

Baruch 5:1

Biden Administration Celebrates Creating 2 Whole Jobs - The Babylon Bee

The two newly created jobs—Ambassador to Chinese Tech Oligarchs and Communications Go-Between for Ukrainian Oil Barons—were both filled by Hunter Biden.

So close!

Will the Justices Let Go of Abortion? - WSJ Opinion

Overturning Roe would mean returning a furiously contested national issue of almost 50 years standing to the democratic process. This wouldn’t “solve” the problem or “end” the struggle. It would bring the responsibility for solving and ending it closer to the people.

This is the core issue. Instead of an immovable policy at the pleasure of nine justices, the decision returns to the States where the voters can decide for themselves.

It won’t be settled for a few years. But then it will settle. This path—overturning—is the closest America will get to justice and democratic satisfaction on this issue.

The Court is only political when it removes legitimate power from the electorate and reserves it for itself.

they will be under pressure to hold to precedent, based on the understandable argument that it is a very big thing to overturn such a momentous decision—especially in a divided country, especially in a time of wavering faith in institutions and especially with a case as famous as Roe. They will be tempted to choose narrower and less dramatic path.

Thank goodness justices of the past had the courage to walk away from similarly terrible precedents that enabled slavery and segregation.

Man Excited To Add 2-Cent Gas Savings To The 16 Cents He Saved On July 4 - The Babylon Bee

At publishing time, the man was saddened to learn that due to inflation, his 18 cents is now worth less than a penny.

Bittersweet.

‘It’s Demo Day!’ Shouts Joel Osteen Taking A Sledgehammer To His Church Walls - The Babylon Bee

Sources from the church say Osteen has been happily swinging all night, having found $599,999. He remains committed to searching for days, if necessary, to find the one remaining lost dollar.

A true shepherd!

Senate Approves Spending Bill Averting Government Shutdown - WSJ

then quickly maneuvered the legislation through both the House and Senate before the expiration of current funding at 12:01 a.m. Saturday.

They had hours to go before hitting their deadline, why the big rush?

Fauci Stresses Masks, Vaccines, Boosters After First Case of Omicron Detected in U.S. - Newsweek

“We know what we need to do to protect people. Get vaccinated if you’re not already vaccinated, get boosted if you’ve been vaccinated for more than six months with an mRNA or two months with J&J. And all the other things we’ve been talking about: getting your children vaccinated, masking in indoor congregate settings, etc.”

We’re pretty deep into this game for the message, “Get three shots and then continue to live as if you got zero shots” to be effective.

It’s a branded kind of day.

Theologians Confirm: Amount Of Treasure Stored Up In Heaven Directly Proportional To Your Bible App Daily Streak - The Babylon Bee

Sources confirmed that with new digital technology, Heaven will be able to track Bible reading across all Android and iOS devices, and adjust heavenly rewards accordingly.

Seems fair.

Biden’s COVID campaign promises have aged terribly - Washington Examiner

Biden didn’t hesitate to lump all the responsibility for last year’s deaths on Trump’s shoulders and label him unfit for office. So, it’s perfectly fair for us to ask the president to accept that same responsibility — or admit he was wrong to throw such smears around in the first place.

The latter is the appropriate response. Humility is a welcome virtue.

Democrats and Republicans Reach Deal to Try to Prevent Government Shutdown - WSJ

Democrats and Republicans reached an agreement to extend government funding through Feb. 18

Democrats have total and they still can’t pass a basic budget. They can spend and finance new money like never before, but struggle to fund essential government functions.

No different than when Republicans had total control of Washington.

Totally dysfunctional, and paradoxically, a system that incentivizes dysfunction.

Never fear, America, in the end Democrats and Republicans will hold hands and waste your tax dollars without qualms and then pat each other on the back for their very good governance.

Omicron Reinfects Government - WSJ Opinion

With Omicron’s discovery days ago in South Africa and before that the surge of infections in Europe, it is striking how reflexively governments are reverting to the strategies used at Covid’s onset in early 2020—crude travel bans, lockdowns, border closings and quarantines.

Emphasis mine.

Hour-to-hour adaptability is the 21st century’s defining characteristic. One word defines government’s response to the Covid pandemic: rigidity.

‘Handled Variety Of Tasks,’ Writes Kamala Harris, Struggling To Fill Out Performance Review Self-Assessment - The Onion

Harris reportedly said to herself as she sat in her West Wing office and stared at the blank form, eventually resorting to a Googled list of phrases commonly used by employees when evaluating themselves. “Let’s see. Oh, that’s good—I’ll put that I ‘used my organizational and problem-solving skills to help others facilitate the achievement of key objectives.’ That could mean anything.

Some Professional Degrees Leave Students With High Debt but Without High Salaries - WSJ

In three popular fields—chiropractic medicine, dentistry and veterinary medicine—every professional program with available data had median debt loads that topped median earnings two years after graduation.

Oops.

Metaverse Real Estate Piles Up Record Sales in Sandbox and Other Virtual Realms - WSJ

Republic Realm, a firm that develops real estate in the metaverse, said it paid $4.3 million for land in the world Sandbox, the biggest virtual real-estate sale publicized to date

I’ve got some digital plots that I’m willing to let go for $4.2M.

A Dubious Union Revote at Amazon - WSJ Opinion

Union advocates claim to empower workers but are quick to cast them as dupes if they refuse the union message.

Big day!

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I lost 3lbs on vacation.

🦃

Make this trip end.