Chet Collins

Canopy is awake with lots of birdsong at first light.

Millions of Student-Loan Borrowers to Face Collections - WSJ

The collections process was standard before the pandemic pause. Still, its return is likely to be a strain for borrowers who reoriented their budgets around not paying their loans during the lengthy reprieve.

Your government at work; giving false hope and setting the wrong expectations.

Not Fooling Anyone: This Hippopotamus Is Clearly On Ozempic - Clickhole

The caption on the photo of the newly trimmed and toned hippo claims, “Frisky loves her watermelons and playing in the pond,” but we’re not buying it. There’s no way that a diet of watermelons and an exercise regimen of playing in a pond resulted in nearly 1,000 pounds of fat loss.

With No Pope to Oversee Them, Cardinals Stay Up All Night Playing Goldeneye And Building Pillow Forts - Babylon Bee

But at some point during the funeral proceedings, it dawned on one of the cardinals from Africa that they could really stretch this whole conclave business out as long as possible and get in some great “bro time.”

Actually Grilled Cheese

Gretchen Whitmer Sneaks Into White House Again - Babylon Bee

My people told me I had a meeting, and in comes this person wearing a set of curtains. Like a black ghost. That’s what she looked like. But she wasn’t scary, she was actually very nice. A nice black ghost, whoever she was.

Parenting Experts Share Tips For Talking To Kids About Being Heir To Throne Of Small European Kingdom - The Onion

Discovering their royal birthright as a small European nation’s sovereign can be a rocky period in a child’s life, so it’s important that parents remind them that it’s perfectly normal to be surrounded by a scheming coterie of backstabbing advisors vying for their favor.

Goodnight, Sweet Prince: It’s Time To Move The Software Installer To The Trash - Clickhole

The moment your software successfully downloads is a joyous one, of course, but tinged with sadness, too. For though it means you may finally use your application as you wish, you must first part ways with the one who led you here.