My wife inherited $800K. She put $300K toward our mortgage and $500K in her own bank account — after 35 years of marriage - MarketWatch

Your wife has used more than one-third of this money to pay off your joint mortgage. Inheritances are not considered community property, so she is clearly taking her time deciding what to do with it. While that may feel like a slap in the face after 35 years of marriage, she is legally entitled to do that, and personally entitled to do so too.

Dear Moneyist,

You know absolutely nothing about marriage.

Sincerely, Captain Obvious

Biden Relocates 20,000 National Guard Troops To Inner Cities To Snipe Menthol Cigarettes Out Of People’s Mouths - The Babylon Bee

“Listen, folks– we gotta do something about these incredibly refreshing and smooth menthol cigarettes,” said Biden.

Today is my 1,950th consecutive day of journaling using Day One.

Not bad.

Sunday afternoon at the zoo.

🦩

Biden Tax Plan Leans on Banks to Help Find Unreported Income - WSJ

The proposal would require banks to report annual account inflows and outflows to the Internal Revenue Service.

This is a terrible idea. Banks already automatically report any deposit over $10,000, and have mechanisms for reporting suspicious groups of deposits just under the reporting threshold.

The IRS getting receipts from every bank account in America? This would be a massive intrusion on the privacy and an unfathomable data trove that would prove irresistible target for foreign hackers.

Ready for action.

🎒

USPS just delivered a St. Patrick’s day card, postmarked March 15th.

Way to go!!

📬

Civil War Soldiers Glad They Didn’t Live Long Enough To Experience Horrors Of The January 6th Capitol Riot - The Babylon Bee

“Yeah, we had it pretty rough – but at least we weren’t around when a few hundred people walked around the Capitol taking pictures,” said John Rumplestin III, a Union soldier who was killed in the Battle of Gettysburg. “That’s when our democracy really died.”

10 Common Things Your Husband Says – And What He’s Actually Thinking - The Babylon Bee

“It’s fine.” – “It’s fine.”

Yup.

“We can eat anywhere you want.” – “We can eat anywhere you want.”

It Will Cost $699 to Repair a Broken 12.9-Inch M1 iPad Pro Without AppleCare+ - MacRumors

The $699 price applies to any damage to the 12.9-inch iPad Pro , including a broken display

Stupid.

The USCCB doesn’t do a lot of things right, but their online Bible is on point.

Iced coffee in a clean house. The best!

☕️

The LEGO Batman Movie

🍿🚸

After weeks of searching, I finally found a pocket knife that’s safe for travel.

The BladeHQ exclusive CRKT Pilar has micarta handles and D2 steel. It’s a sheepsfoot blade that measures 2.4”. It’s also cheap enough that if I lose it, I won’t care.

That’ll work!

Johnson And Johnson Rolls Out New ‘No More Clots’ Vaccine - The Babylon Bee

A spokeswoman for Johnson and Johnson said the company worked extensively with scientists in their baby shampoo division to make sure the new COVID vaccine was safe.

Having Stolen Everything From Your Great-Grandchildren, Democrats Move On To Your Great-Great-Grandchildren - The Babylon Bee

“We wanted to spend another $6 trillion, but we ran out of everyone’s great-grandkids' money,” said Senator Chuck Schumer, “but then we found all the great-great-grandkids' money! So much money! So we decided to spend it.”

Yellowstone Says They May Soon Let Buffalo Stop Wearing Masks - The Babylon Bee

If people see them maskless, they may say, ‘I guess I don’t need one either, as I’m also a mammal.’”