Ready for action.

🎒

USPS just delivered a St. Patrick’s day card, postmarked March 15th.

Way to go!!

📬

Civil War Soldiers Glad They Didn’t Live Long Enough To Experience Horrors Of The January 6th Capitol Riot - The Babylon Bee

“Yeah, we had it pretty rough – but at least we weren’t around when a few hundred people walked around the Capitol taking pictures,” said John Rumplestin III, a Union soldier who was killed in the Battle of Gettysburg. “That’s when our democracy really died.”

10 Common Things Your Husband Says – And What He’s Actually Thinking - The Babylon Bee

“It’s fine.” – “It’s fine.”

Yup.

“We can eat anywhere you want.” – “We can eat anywhere you want.”

It Will Cost $699 to Repair a Broken 12.9-Inch M1 iPad Pro Without AppleCare+ - MacRumors

The $699 price applies to any damage to the 12.9-inch iPad Pro , including a broken display

Stupid.

The USCCB doesn’t do a lot of things right, but their online Bible is on point.

Iced coffee in a clean house. The best!

☕️

The LEGO Batman Movie

🍿🚸

After weeks of searching, I finally found a pocket knife that’s safe for travel.

The BladeHQ exclusive CRKT Pilar has micarta handles and D2 steel. It’s a sheepsfoot blade that measures 2.4”. It’s also cheap enough that if I lose it, I won’t care.

That’ll work!

Johnson And Johnson Rolls Out New ‘No More Clots’ Vaccine - The Babylon Bee

A spokeswoman for Johnson and Johnson said the company worked extensively with scientists in their baby shampoo division to make sure the new COVID vaccine was safe.

Having Stolen Everything From Your Great-Grandchildren, Democrats Move On To Your Great-Great-Grandchildren - The Babylon Bee

“We wanted to spend another $6 trillion, but we ran out of everyone’s great-grandkids’ money,” said Senator Chuck Schumer, “but then we found all the great-great-grandkids’ money! So much money! So we decided to spend it.”

Yellowstone Says They May Soon Let Buffalo Stop Wearing Masks - The Babylon Bee

If people see them maskless, they may say, ‘I guess I don’t need one either, as I’m also a mammal.’”

The robots are getting more advanced.

‘We Must Stop Eating Beef To Fight Climate Change,’ Says Scientist Who Looks Suspiciously Like Chick-Fil-A Cow In A Lab Coat - The Babylon Bee

“Hey, wait a minute! That’s just a cow in a lab coat!” cried one reporter. He was then fired, canceled, and sent to the gulag for disagreeing with SCIENCE.

Biden Wears Mask On Zoom Call In Case COVID Has Mutated Into A Computer Virus - The Babylon Bee

Doctor Fauci agreed with Biden’s assessment. “We haven’t done any studies about coronaviruses becoming computer viruses and computer viruses transferring to humans,” Fauci said, “so we can’t rule that out.”

Apple Explains Why ‘Allow Apps to Request to Track’ May Be Grayed Out on iOS 14.5 - MacRumors

On devices with the “Allow Apps to Request to Track” setting grayed out, all apps that request to track are denied permission by default and cannot access the device’s random advertising identifier, known as the IDFA, according to Apple.

This is default for all kids with Apple IDs. Way to go, Apple!

CDC Eases Face Mask Guidelines for Fully Vaccinated People Outdoors - WSJ

“The message is clear: ‘You’re vaccinated, guess what? You get to return to a more normal lifestyle. If you’re not vaccinated, you’re still in danger,” Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra said Tuesday in an interview with CBS This Morning.

I read a news clip from AP reporting on comments around the COVID vaccine from Sen. Ron Johnson. It was less than a paragraph, and twice emphasized that Sen. Johnson has “no medical expertise or background.”

I wonder if they’ll do the same for HHS Secretary Bacerra, an attorney, whose healthcare experience is derived from suing the Little Sisters of the Poor.

I’m coming up on 1,000 days of Haiku.

It’s been a fun project, but I think when I hit that milestone next month, I’m going to end it.

1,000 is a nice, round number.

Attempting to make keto version of McDonald’s Caramel Frappe at home.

☕️

Update: I failed.

Apple’s Privacy Changes Are Poised to Boost Its Ad Products - WSJ

When targeting users who have opted out of tracking, advertisers who buy ads through third-party platforms will have to wait three days for insights on their campaigns and will only receive aggregate information, such as the total number of users who took an action after an ad

lol