Chet Collins

Mastery at work.

Jake Tapper Uncovers Startling Evidence That Biden’s Decline Was Covered Up By Jake Tapper - Babylon Bee

The bombshell report was detailed in a new book by Jake Tapper. It chronicles years of egregious cover-ups and collusion between the White House and a cooperative and corrupt press, including several newly leaked conversations between aides about putting Biden in a wheelchair for his second term. At the center of the scandal, it appears, is someone named Jake Tapper.

Sad: AOC Unable To Obtain Real ID Because She Died On Jan 6 And Is A Ghost - Babylon Bee

“It’s not fair that only ‘living people’ are eligible to obtain these Real IDs, while people like me and millions of other Democratic voters are barred from getting them due to the simple fact that we’re dead. Prejudice is alive and well in America, even though I am not.”

The Bee Explains: How A Conclave Works - Babylon Bee

How are the votes cast?

Each Cardinal places their red hat on the head of their pope of choice. Once the stack of hats on someone’s head reaches the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, that man is declared Pope.

Trump Promises To Negotiate Peace In India As Soon As They Take Him Off Hold - Babylon Bee

“They assure me my call is very important to them,” said Trump, still waiting. “That guy who placed me on hold, was it Kevin? It didn’t sound like a ‘Kevin’, to be honest. I told him it concerned nuclear war, and then he said he would need to talk to his manager and asked if I could hold. I like this music, I really do, very good beat. But it’s really a long hold, and I don’t think Kevin is going to be getting a good survey at the end of this phone call, I’ll tell you that.”

Canopy is awake with lots of birdsong at first light.

Millions of Student-Loan Borrowers to Face Collections - WSJ

The collections process was standard before the pandemic pause. Still, its return is likely to be a strain for borrowers who reoriented their budgets around not paying their loans during the lengthy reprieve.

Your government at work; giving false hope and setting the wrong expectations.

Not Fooling Anyone: This Hippopotamus Is Clearly On Ozempic - Clickhole

The caption on the photo of the newly trimmed and toned hippo claims, “Frisky loves her watermelons and playing in the pond,” but we’re not buying it. There’s no way that a diet of watermelons and an exercise regimen of playing in a pond resulted in nearly 1,000 pounds of fat loss.