… and that was the last time anyone skipped the Al Smith Dinner.

Election Officials Assure Everybody Things Are Looking Good And You Can Go To Sleep And They’ll Take Care Of The Rest Of The Counting Overnight - Babylon Bee

“America, it is well past your bedtime,” scolded former President Obama.

Everyone’s talking about this whole 2024 election today, but I just got a hot tip.

Insiders cannot stop talking about this other election in 2028 that very few people even realize is coming up so soon. It’s going to be the most important election of our lifetimes and you will not believe who they got to run!!!

🇺🇸

Kamala Harris Confused By Process Where She Needs To Get Votes To Be Selected - Babylon Bee

“I don’t get it,” said Harris. “I became Vice President without receiving any votes, and then I became the nominee without receiving any votes… Why do we suddenly need these ‘vote’ things? This makes no sense.”

Stormy Sunday afternoon. Time to take on the closet.

⛈️

It’s always fun to check out the hardware in the hanger.

Quiet, rainy day at the office.

All holy men and women, pray for us.

I hate the efficiency of my dryer. I have 15-20 minutes at my desk after folding a load before the next one is done.

🧺

New ‘Kamalexa’ Edition Of Amazon Echo Will Just Ramble For 10 Minutes Without Ever Answering Your Questions - Babylon Bee

The Kamalexa edition of Amazon Echo is now available for pre-order and is expected to be the best-selling version of the device, once you count the mail-in orders.

It was perfect walking weather this morning.

🌑

Thankfully it was mostly treats.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

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Biden Calls On Deplorable Garbage Nazis To Tone Down The Rhetoric - Babylon Bee

Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign agreed with Biden, issuing a press release calling for the arrest and imprisonment of all Trump supporters in an effort to heal division in the country.

Report: Millions Of Garbage Bags Seen Lining Up Outside Polling Stations - Babylon Bee

“We had no idea how many bags of garbage there were in this country,” said pollster Richard Blinken.

Usually when the house is quiet, the kids are doing something that will get them in trouble.

Sometimes they’re just helping themselves to a snack.

Awesome: Panera Bread Has Launched A Patreon For Fans To Support Its Soups And Salads - Clickhole

those who subscribe at the $25 per month “Bread Bowl Fanatic” tier will get the chance to have a 10-minute Zoom with a real-life Panera employee.

Can we ask them to bring the good menu back?

American Airlines Draws the Line Against Boarding-Group Cutters - WSJ

All major U.S. airlines do their best to maintain boarding order since priority boarding is a perk for frequent fliers, credit-card holders and big spenders, and is often available for purchase. But American is the first to develop an automated system that instantly flags offenders. 

How was this not already a thing?

Chad Vossen, a 46-year-old chief creative officer for a video marketing company in Virginia, knew nothing of the test until he and a colleague tried to board in Group 6 instead of Group 8 for a flight to Phoenix. They had done it on other American flights and others, in hopes of avoiding gate-checking their camera equipment.

So he’s cool with the people he cheated having to gate-check their bags?

JPMorgan Chase Sues Four Customers for Bank Fraud Seen in Viral TikToks - WSJ

The bank sued four individuals in federal court Monday for exploiting a so-called glitch at Chase Bank ATMs that went viral on social media over the summer. The individuals deposited fake checks into their checking accounts and withdrew thousands of dollars, JPMorgan said in the lawsuits.

These brazen scams are absolutely wild.

Trying something new on the breakfast menu; homemade slow-cooked oatmeal with apples and cinnamon.

Reviews: “Smells like fall.”

A little quiet reading time on the couch with the pajama’d children. Trying to make the stillness of morning last a few extra minutes.

📖