Nothing quite turns your day around like 45 minutes at the gym

I still think it’s weird that I need an appointment at my barber shop.

Just saw a Cadillac delivering Dominos. Tough times.

Last day before it changes all over again.

Panera stops serving breakfast at 11am on Sundays. You know that ain’t right!

While washing the wheels of our car, my 4yo offered to give me a “car wash.” I turned around to find him pointing the hose at me and attempting to turn on the nozzle.

Watching my Apple TV with my AirPods after the kids are in bed just might be the single greatest technological advance in a generation.

I can think of very few scenarios where a blank page with “Coming Soon!” is the appropriate design choice. Good rule of thumb: if there’s no content on a page, don’t publish.

When it comes to cheddar, the sharper, the better!

Ethan Hunt is a poor man’s James Bond.

Well, it's February 20th. Suppose it's time to turn on the A/C.

Taxes were pretty fun this year. Not nearly as fun as they'll be next year, though!

I wish that more iOS devs would include alternate icons. An awesome, but underrated and underutilized feature.

Felicity’s favorite thing to say to me, “What doing, Daddy?”

Go Team USA! 🥇

It’s February 10th. If you’re still going to the gym, good for you! 🥇

The average Facebook comment thread:

Comment 1: You're an idiot!

Comment 2: You're a chimp for the (corporation/political party)!

Comment 3: Anyone know where I can get good window tint?

Great minds think alike, except in the Patent Office

I just watched the Super Bowl halftime show. The only good thing about it was that Pepsi spent their money on sponsorship and advertising instead of producing their disgusting beverages.

Botox injections, like all medically necessary injections, are terrible.

I believe that the time is right for Catholic parishes everywhere to come together and finally agree on the requirements for parents and sponsors of children at Baptism. Honestly, it's our third parish and our third set of rules! We can do this!

If you don’t pull over for emergency vehicles, you’re just a jerk.