Turning Point USA Announces Alternative Puerto Rico - The Onion

“Finally, Americans will be able to enjoy a family-friendly tropical paradise that actually celebrates traditional values,” said Turning Point CEO Erika Kirk, adding that the island would be known as “Port Rick,” a mistranslation of “Puerto Rico”

Bible Authors Admit They Were Paid $7K For Every Reference To Israel - Babylon Bee

Hey, if the money is available, just take it. I was writing a ton about Israel anyway, for free, so why not make a little extra coin on the side? And people pretend like I’m the one who benefited from the arrangement the most, but I only had one book. You should have seen how much cash Moses came away with from the Pentateuch. ‘Israel this’ and ‘Israel that.’ He was the O.G. moneymaker with that deal.

Fraud Suspicions Arise As Somali Team Wins 734th Gold Medal At Winter Olympics - Babylon Bee

“Their culture just encourages overperformance at traditional Somalian activities… like snowboarding.”

Apple’s “new” version of iWork is such a departure.

Ads and upselling within the app is not something I really expect from them.

Creator Studio doesn’t make sense to pay $130 a year when I only use Pages & Numbers.

Kindergarten daughter requested her picture with the Nex Playground, but insisted that it have its “eyepatch on.”

After Relationship Between Parent And Child Irreparably Broken, Math Homework Is Done - Babylon Bee

According to Jennifer Fromm, her husband and child just finished the 4.5 hour one-on-one ordeal of reducing fractions, a marathon challenge which has now destroyed any hope they might have had of a positive relationship with one another.

Swimming lessons for the kids and I’m poolside wrangling my email.

Tools make it possible.

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