Chet Collins

Media Criticizes Trump For Forcing Them To Tear Country Apart For Last Four Years - The Babylon Bee

According to critics in the media, Trump has forced everyone in the media to sow seeds of hatred, anxiety, racial tension, and mass panic for almost four years now, and they are really mad at him for making them do that. 

Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years Promises To Fix Government - The Babylon Bee

According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government.

I spent some time building LEGOs with my son this afternoon. This was my creation.

Overachieving Father Knows All His Kids' Names, Ages - The Babylon Bee

He then proceeded to amaze bystanders by reciting both his children’s middle names without looking it up on his phone or texting his wife to ask her.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo Writes Book on Coronavirus Pandemic - WSJ

Critics on the political left and right questioned the timing of Mr. Cuomo’s volume.

You mean because it’s still not over? Also, how did he find the time to reflect and form a cohesive narrative in the past five months while also running the state? Clearly ghostwritten, but still, his ghost needs direction.

China’s Xi Jinping Tightens Grip on Domestic Security Forces in First Broad Purge - WSJ

“The party always explains graft as the result of individuals becoming corrupt,” said Sheng Hong, an economist and former director of an independent Beijing think tank that shut down last year under government pressure. “They don’t acknowledge that corruption is an institutional problem.”

USPS to Suspend Changes Until After Election - WSJ

The about-face comes as Mr. DeJoy and the Postal Service have come under heightened scrutiny from Democrats since the Republican Party fundraiser and logistics executive took the role in June.

Every article notes Mr. DeJoy’s political background. I find this extremely pejorative and irrelevant. He’s a logistic industry veteran, coming over from a senior leadership role at XPO, and was appointed Postmaster General by the bipartisan Postal Service Board of Governors, not the President.

Nancy Pelosi Goes Politically Postal - WSJ

In August 2016, the USPS’s Inspector General said that “the number of collection boxes declined by more than 12,000 in the past 5 years.” Voter suppression by the Obama Administration?

A rare voice of reason in our stupid news cycle. Point-for-point on how off-bass this “made for TV controversy” is.

The Obama-Biden Economy Redux - WSJ

One signature policy was a significant extension of unemployment benefits, to 99 weeks, that paid people not to work long after the recession ended. Sound familiar?

BREAKING: Trump Announces He Has Captured The Roadrunner - The Babylon Bee

A manhunt is still underway for notorious border crosser and cheese thief Speedy Gonzales, who Trump claims is a member of MS-13.

Democrat Mailer Promoting Mail-In Voting Gets Lost In Mail - The Babylon Bee

The Postmaster General confirmed today that approximately 86 million pamphlets sent by the DNC extolling the virtues and benefits of voting by mail simply vanished.

Hardcore Trump Supporter Destroys His Own Mailbox - The Babylon Bee

“I’m really going to miss that mailbox. I’ll never see another Walmart ad, never get another calendar from our realtor, and worst of all, never again will I receive the previous owner of this home’s mail. Oh Ron, he gets a lot of good mail.”  

The most annoying of problems!

U.S. Formalizes F-16 Jet Sale to Taiwan With China Tensions High - Bloomberg

Taiwan formally signed an agreement to buy 66 of the latest model F-16 jets built by Lockheed Martin Corp., a move likely to further inflame tensions between the U.S. and China. Taiwan’s purchase of the F-16s marks the first sale of advanced fighter jets to the island since President George H.W. Bush announced approval for 150 F-16s in 1992.

Awesome. The F-16 is a great jet.

My morning happiness ☕️

House Democrats Set Vote on Bill to Bolster USPS - WSJ

House Democrats set a Saturday vote on a bill that would prohibit operational changes to the Postal Service until well after the election

Great! The last thing the USPS needs is flexibility, as we’ve learned over the past 15 years. A regulatory straight jacket imposed on its operations has worked wonders, so yes, let’s tighten down the belts and brace ourselves for more overwhelming success!

‘Fortnite’ Creator Says Apple Is Threatening to Curb Access to Software Tools - WSJ

The companies have defended their app stores’ policies, saying the 30% fee they both charge developers is justified because they provide services such as e-commerce security and user privacy, and that it is in line with what most other app marketplaces charge.

Yes, the 30% is in line with the other marketplaces because Apple set it first and everyone followed the leader.

Trump Drives Around Playing Mailbox Baseball In Latest Voter Suppression Scheme - The Babylon Bee

President Trump’s vote suppression efforts seem to know no bounds, with his main efforts focused against the USPS to stop mail-in voting. In Trump’s latest attack on democracy, he is now driving around in a pickup truck playing “mailbox baseball” – smashing mailboxes with a baseball bat to make it impossible for people to mail in their ballots.

Best photoshop of the year.

Brilliant Trump Puts Himself On All Postage Stamps, Forcing Democrats To Push For Abolishing USPS - The Babylon Bee

Sources are reporting that Trump has dealt a killer blow in his ongoing war against his sworn enemy, the U.S. Post Office.

State Hailed As Progressive Hub Of Technological Innovation Can’t Figure Out How To Keep The Lights On - The Babylon Bee

Electricity, which first made its debut in 1882, is a luxury Californians have come to rely upon for modern indulgences such as dishwashers, laundry machines, and indoor lighting.

Here’s hoping they figure it out soon!

Apple Threatens to Terminate Epic Games' Developer Accounts on August 28 - MacRumors

That includes Epic’s access to the development tools necessary to create software for the Unreal Engine that Epic offers to third-party developers for their games. In response, Epic has filed a court order asking a Northern California court to stop Apple from removing Epic’s ‌App Store‌ access.

Apple is playing hardball in a way that it sure to turn public/developer opinion against it. No way they prevail in the end with this bad attitude.