Courtesy of GoodReads.

I thought 2020 was going to be the year I stopped shopping Amazon. Maybe 2021 will be.

I love the sound of rain on the skylights while reading the paper.

Gun Stores Overwhelmed By People Returning $600 Guns For $2000 Guns - The Babylon Bee

The bill was originally intended to provide relief for those out of work and affected by the ongoing pandemic, but after the U.S. paid hundreds of millions to other countries, $2000 per American was all that was left. Since $2000 is not enough to cover 8 months of rent or other necessities, many Americans have decided that one thing they can afford is protection from the bloated and power-hungry Federal Government. 

Gazelle’s Used Device Trade-In Program to End Next Year - MacRumors

Gazelle intends to focus on its in-store ecoATM kiosks, which offer instant cash for devices, although they don’t usually offer as much in return as customers would get through traditional trade-in programs.

Major disappointment. They were my favorite service to use.

I will say that they’re not really competitive anymore. Many of their quotes were so low that I kept my device and let my kids play with it. They also stopped sending packaging for devices a while back, which was annoying.

I can’t wait to get my new Mac and have all of my files on one internal drive.

💾

Here I go!

I’ve never written so many checks in my life.

Man Has A Few Days Left To Be A Disgusting Slob Before Completely Turning Life Around On January 1st - The Babylon Bee

He has prepared for the big day by fishing his old gym shorts from the laundry so they’ll be ready for his first life-altering workout.

Good luck, Jason!

Big kids playing outside while I clean the kitchen and fold laundry.

Thanks, fence!

Airbnb views.

Care for a snack?

Morning after Christmas views.

Toyota’s Chief Says Electric Vehicles Are Overhyped | WSJ

Toyota Motor Corp.’s leader criticized what he described as excessive hype over electric vehicles, saying advocates failed to consider the carbon emitted by generating electricity and the costs of an EV transition.

He makes some valid points.

Simple pleasures. 🗞

Christmas steak.

🎄🥩

In Hoc Anno Domini | WSJ

And the voice from Galilee, which would defy Caesar, offered a new Kingdom in which each man could walk upright and bow to none but his God.

He found us! 🎅🏻

All is calm, all is bright. 🕯

The Santa Clause

🍿

Apple’s New Privacy-Focused Tracking Prompt Begins Appearing for iOS 14 Users [Updated] - MacRumors

iOS 14.4 should be publicly released in January or February

.4 versions too late.

Trump Campaign Demands Stimulus Of 8 Million Votes - The Babylon Bee

If Trump’s idea is passed, each American will get 8 million votes for them to be president, evenly distributed among the 50 states. This vote stimulus will be means-tested, though – anyone who already has 80 million or more votes to be president won’t receive any vote stimulus.

Satire that cuts against two subjects. Brilliant!

Jupiter And Saturn Fined For Not Obeying Social Distancing - The Babylon Bee

The U.S. Government has tasked Space Force with collecting the fine from these two planets. The mission is expected to cost 3.2 Trillion dollars, which is the equivalent of about twelve $600 stimulus checks.

Clever American Disguises Self As Transgender Middle Easterner In Hopes Of Receiving More COVID Aid - The Babylon Bee

Other Americans are working hard to snag some of that sweet government cash by disguising themselves as art galleries, bridge projects, and Asian carp fishermen.

Trump’s Parting Shot: A Bigger Navy? - WSJ

The Pentagon has been debating and studying how to expand the fleet, and the Trump plan suggests underwriting more than 80 ships over five years at a cost of $147 billion.

How wasteful is the $900B stimulus?

We can grow our Navy by 80 ships and still have $733B (81.5%) to spare!

The long-term governmental payroll support for tens of thousands of airline jobs that no longer exist is malpractice at the highest level.

God Compensates Job With $600 Stimulus Check - The Babylon Bee

“I pretty much lost everything,” Job said. “My kids, my home, my livestock, my health, my livelihood. I lost all of it. But finding out that I’ll get $600 is pretty exciting.”

I published my 800th post on Catholic Husband this morning. Will end the year with 52 posts published in 2020.

Glad to see this project going after nearly 8 years.

Congress Finally Reaches Stimulus Agreement: Every American Will Receive A Coupon For $5 Off At Applebee’s - The Babylon Bee

In addition to bailouts, money for pet projects, and payouts to unions, Congress has authorized a very special $5 off coupon to Applebee’s.

I prefer Chili’s.

Got the last box unpacked.

📦

Apple wants you to believe that they are a great, moral company. Simply not true. Dozens of gifs of Trump, even some of him in drag. Zero of Xi Jinping.

If they bowed any further to China, they’d lose their balance and fall over.

Report: LeBron James To Be Appointed As Ambassador To China - The Babylon Bee

Colin Kaepernick was also floated but ultimately didn’t get picked.

Boom, roasted!

Infographic: The Journalists’ Guide To Reporting On Politicians - The Babylon Bee

researchers say they are close to making a breakthrough on triple standards

Infographics by the Bee are always great.

Experts Warn Further Lockdowns Could Result In More Taylor Swift Albums - The Babylon Bee

“The data is clear: we must end the lockdowns to prevent this from happening.”

Agree.

It’s a two cup of coffee kind of day.

☕️

Dad Excited To See What He Got His Kids For Christmas - The Babylon Bee

“Oh man, I hope it’s a LEGO set,” he said as he shook a box under the tree labeled “To: Aiden, From: Dad.”

Apple Prototyped Hundreds of AirPods Max Designs, Says Smart Case is Designed for Storage Efficiency - MacRumors

Whang, who apparently oversaw design of the case, said that while many headphones come with a large, cumbersome case, the Smart Case was designed to be storage efficient.

The worst sort of hubris, all too typical of Apple. They are wholly incapable of admitting when they make a mistake.

The emperor has no clothes.

Joel Osteen Releases New Book ‘Live Your Best Life Now By Taking Millions In Small Business Aid From The Government’ - The Babylon Bee

The book will teach Christians to name and claim up to $4 million in small business aid, allowing them to use their positive mental energy to redirect the loans from businesses who desperately need it to their own lives and ministries.

Seattle Announces Reverse Purge Where One Night A Year Laws Will Be Enforced - The Babylon Bee

one special day every year where laws against things like stealing, killing, and urinating in public libraries will actually be enforced by real police officers

A busy day around the outside of the house.

🧰

Man Chokes In Restaurant, Dr. Jill Biden Springs Into Action To Deliver Educational Lecture - The Babylon Bee

“Thank you for having me here today,” Dr. Jill Biden said as the bewildered choking man tried to call for a “real doctor,” since he was obviously a misogynistic bigot.

Old, Failed Idea Repackaged As New, Progressive Idea - The Babylon Bee

“Wow! This will solve everything!” said an enthusiastic young liberal about an idea proven by history to make everything worse.

Final Appeal: Trump Pens Letter To Santa Asking Him To Overturn Biden’s Win - The Babylon Bee

I have been a good boy all year long. Many people are saying that anyway. I made peace in the Middle East, got a vaccine delivered in RECORD time, and even helped Melania in her garden.

Chinese Spy Assigned To Date Eric Swalwell Begs To Be Sent To Labor Camp Instead - The Babylon Bee

“It’s cruel and unusual punishment. Which, I guess, is allowed here, but still. It’s not a good look,” she said. An international human rights board agreed, putting pressure on the Chinese government to stop forcing spies to date Eric Swalwell and other U.S. congressmen.

Man Selflessly Offers To Let Rest Of Country Try Vaccine First - The Babylon Bee

Johnston had initially planned to receive the shot after watching Governor Cuomo’s Oscar-worthy performance pleading for the public to get the vaccine. However, Johnston was dissuaded when he watched a replay of Cuomo destroying the vaccine’s credibility in an Emmy winning performance just three weeks prior.

Homeowner Frantically Makes Figgy Pudding To Get Rid Of Carolers - The Babylon Bee

Neighbors say that as of 1 am, the carolers are on their 427th round of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” and have promised to stay in place until they get some figgy pudding.

Sad!

William Barr to Resign as Attorney General - WSJ

Mr. Barr said he would depart Dec. 23

Not good!

Me: “Thanks for your help! Merry Christmas!”

Apple Support: “Happy Holidays.”

Today I went to Lowe’s. There was a woman sitting comfortably in a chair out front smoking a cigarette. A few minutes later, EMS showed up to evaluate her. I’m thinking she could’ve made it to the hospital of her own accord.

The Biden Team Strikes Back - WSJ

This has triggered a flood of media and Twitter criticism, including demands that I retract the piece, apologize personally to Mrs. Biden, ban Mr. Epstein for all time, and resign and think upon my sins.

I always enjoy reading Paul’s work.

As far as the opinion piece in question, I disagree. The title “Doctor” is an educational distinction. It’s entirely fair for anyone with that credential to use the title that they’ve earned.

Google Tests Dark Mode for Its Desktop Web Search Page - MacRumors

Google has added belated support for ‌Dark Mode‌ to its Gmail and Search apps, but it looks like Google for desktop web could be on its way, too.

My websites have more cutting edge design than Google.

Made our Advent candles this morning.

For One Prized Italian Tradition, Covid-19 Deals Heartbreaking Blow - WSJ

For many Neapolitans, the Nativity scene, or presepe in Italian, is more the symbol of Christmas than a tree.

Agree.

Holy Family Arrested In Egypt For Violating Travel Restrictions - The Babylon Bee

The officer explained to the recalcitrant parents that the safest way to protect their child from a murderous tyrant was to stay home, stay safe, and comply with the local laws of said murderous tyrant. Or be buddies with a politician.

Got my workbench set up, laundry room functional, and cars parked in the garage.

Good progress today!

I strongly dislike the Office of the President-Elect moniker. Never have.

It’s disconcerting that it’s becoming the norm. Even worse is that logo that is so clearly a stripped down seal of the President.

I’m all in favor of building out a government and a robust transition process, but let’s not make up a meaningless title to somehow convey authority.

No matter how many times I listen to his music, I still find great beauty in Ludovico Einaudi’s art.

🎵

Teachers Union Opposes Vaccine As It Might Force Teachers To Teach Again - The Babylon Bee

“We’re afraid that if the pandemic ends, people will think it’s once again okay to impose a grueling five-day-a-week, nine-months-a-year work schedule on teachers who frankly have better things to do.”

Brilliant Trump Annexes Greenland, Grants It 271 Electoral Votes - The Babylon Bee

When confronted with the fact that nobody in Greenland was able to vote in the recent election, Trump quickly produced a thumb drive from a Dominion voting machine showing he had received 183% of the vote in the previously autonomous territory. He then appointed a Greenland election official to quickly certify the vote before anyone could argue about it and ruin the whole thing. 

Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15 - The Babylon Bee

The new firearm will look similar to a standard AR-15 but will in fact be a battery-powered railgun capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute.

Texas Governor Announces Cowboy Hat Mandate - The Babylon Bee

With this bill, anyone seen out in public without a cowboy hat will be approached by a Texas Ranger, who will say, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?” before tossing the offender across the state line.

Beautiful morning.

WhatsApp Protests Apple’s App Store Privacy Requirements - MacRumors

WhatsApp, which is owned by Facebook

All you need to know.

Idiot Family Gets Puppy - The Babylon Bee

“Yeah, I was a bit cautious, but I think our kids are responsible enough to handle it,” said Jack Flenderson, the hopeful father who was about to spend the next 14 years of his life being the sole caretaker of the dog since his kids were definitely not responsible enough to handle it.

Newsom Issues Double Stay-at-Home Order Where You Have To Stay In A Smaller House Inside Your Original House - The Babylon Bee

If staying home makes you safe, then staying inside an even smaller home inside that home would make you double-safe.

Oof. I hate seeing websites with my ad blockers turned off.

Hard to stay on top of YNAB during a move.

Nothing beats a fixed blade for unpacking boxes.

📦

DMV: “Hey, Chet, please come 90 minutes early to your appointment and we can get you taken care of!”

Arrives when asked. Waits in waiting room for 90 minutes. Appointment time arrives.

DMV: “Okay, your turn.”

At the DMV.

Several signs posted in the waiting room advising that disruptive behavior or making threats may result in arrest.

Not a surprise.

138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa's Nice List In Middle Of Night - The Babylon Bee

After sorting kids according to their niceness or naughtiness for hours, Santa had abruptly stopped counting and gone to bed, saying he was tired and taking a break for the night, even though he is magical and does not need to sleep. A team of unsupervised elves reportedly continued the counting against North Pole guidelines, and around 3 a.m. there was a sudden dump of over 138,000 kids put on the nice list. The software also switched kids over from the naughty to the nice list at random.

A Touching Gesture: Kamala Harris Just Sent Joe Biden 17 Get Well Soon Puppies - The Babylon Bee

She’s really thought of everything! Keep reading The Babylon Bee for tough coverage of her favorite Thanksgiving recipes and what kind of shoes she’s wearing!

Trump Plans To Upstage Biden Inauguration By Jumping The Grand Canyon In A Rocket Car - The Babylon Bee

Trump says he is going to be a “Good Knievel” and do the stunt perfectly.

2020 Rated Worst Year Ever, Provided You Never Lived At Any Other Time In History | The Babylon Bee

While we understand it hasn’t been easy, we also found very few instances of Viking raids, Black Plague, famine, world war, using rotary telephones, needing to look things up in a physical dictionary, slavery, people being burned at the stake, walking miles to school, living in caves, sleeping on the ground, ice ages, Nazi holocausts, civil war, infant mortality, global floods, ethnic cleansing, using leaves as toilet paper, using leeches as medicine, using wooden mallets as an anesthetic, fighting wild saber-tooth tigers, cannibalism, occupation by the Persian Empire…

Got that new house.

Gretchen Whitmer Casts Spell On Michigan So It Is Always Winter And Never Christmas - The Babylon Bee

There are whispers of an orange-haired hero who will someday return to reclaim the throne, end the winter, and bring back Christmas. Unfortunately, he has been delayed by what he claims is a “totally rigged and fraudulent election.”

Big day.

🏡

Timing package arrivals and delivery addresses when moving is an art. And sometimes it really just works!

Moving day is here! Trucks are on their way, house is ready to go. Now all I need is a place for them to deliver to tomorrow!

📦

Frosted. ⛄️

Biden’s Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter - The Babylon Bee

“Nothing to see here,” insisted a spokesperson. “Biden will be calling a lid during his 2-week recovery time and looks forward to reappearing to take charge of the country and defeat the virus!”

This is satire, but the continuation of the Biden unavailability from the campaign is really disheartening.

Biden All-Female Communications Team Won’t Tell Nation What’s Wrong, Nation Should Already Know - The Babylon Bee

The press has been frantically buying flowers, chocolates, and jewelry for the communications team in hopes of receiving some clue as to what the heck is going on. The team responded by rolling their eyes and going to bed early due to a really bad headache.

This is going to be a great four years!

Still a classic! Sweatshirt from my first job.

Purging my house and throwing so many things away is incredibly liberating!!

🚮

First Sunday of Advent? Cue the Christmas music!!

🕯🎄

In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay - The Babylon Bee

In her written opinion, which she wrote in 3 minutes without consulting any notes, ACB said: “Yeah… so, the First Amendment includes freedom of religion and assembly. I asked my clerks to see whether there was a ‘virus clause’ somewhere in there and they didn’t find any. I’m just a Supreme Court Justice and I’m not allowed to remove amendments, so yeah – the First Amendment stays. Sorry guys.”

Movers come on Tuesday. Just finished up some administrative work. Time to shut down the iMac and take apart my desk.

Grey sky morning.

Just upgraded to Adaptive Lighting in iOS14. Okay, this is cool!

💡

CDC Shuts Down Thanksgiving Travel By Carrying Out Simultaneous Attacks On All Of Nation’s Airports, Train Stations

“We understand the temptation to travel to see loved ones this holiday season, but it’s important to understand that the dirty bombs and chemical weapons detonated at every major airport from LAX to JFK make travel inadvisable for the foreseeable future,” said Director Robert R. Redfield

Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest - The Babylon Bee

One is bound to pop up before Christmas. You’ll really be kicking yourself if you spend $300 on a TV today, only for it to be 100% off the next time there is something to protest in the name of social justice or whatever.

I have never seen this on the web.

So unbelievably lucky that I see tremendous value in this brand.

21 Things We At The Babylon Bee Are Thankful For This Year - The Babylon Bee

9. Eight months of two weeks to flatten the curve. We are all safe now.

I feel very safe.

14. Viewers like you. And the letter B.

Pretty lame sales today.

Thanksgiving table.

Supreme Court Blocks Covid-19 Restrictions on Religious Services in New York - WSJ

Chief Justice Roberts, in dissent, said there was no need to act now because, since the suit was filed, the areas involved had been reclassified as yellow zones, which were subject to a 50% occupancy limit without a numerical limit.

This is the biggest threat to our Constitutional order. We need clarity from the Court, even if the conditions have temporality changed at the time of ruling. That way we can have clarity for next time, whether that be next week, next month, or in 50 years.

“It is time—past time—to make plain that, while the pandemic poses many grave challenges, there is no world in which the Constitution tolerates color-coded executive edicts that reopen liquor stores and bike shops but shutter churches, synagogues, and mosques,” he wrote.

Part of the opinion by Justice Gorsuch. He’s exactly right. This isn’t April. States have had months to come up with a workable plan for Winter, but instead are just running off of the old playbook. The “emergency” is over. More than enough time has passed for Governors and State Legislatures to work together on appropriate applications of separated powers in the current situation.

Picture by my son.

Went to the dump today. Very difficult experience.

Just Hours After Being Placed In Cuomo’s Possession, Emmy Statue Dies Of COVID - The Babylon Bee

“The Emmy was placed in a nursing home for safekeeping and almost immediately contracted the virus, passing away just hours later,” said one medical professional. “Cuomo was also seen encouraging the statue to attend a Biden rally and a BLM protest, though he was emphatic that the statue not go to synagogue or church.”

Pope Decries Plight of Chinese Uighurs as New Catholic Bishop Is Ordained in China - WSJ

But the Chinese government voiced annoyance on Tuesday, after Pope Francis broke his silence over China’s treatment of its Uighur Muslim population, which the pope included in a list of “persecuted peoples.”

Talk about late to the party. At least he finally showed up.

Bank Applications Get a Coronavirus Boost - WSJ

Oportun’s loans, which are designed as alternatives to payday and auto-title loans, have an average term of just under three years, and the weighted-average annual percent rate of 33.3%.

Wow, what a terrific service!!!

“There’s still a lot of the country where we weren’t making our inclusive, affordable products available,” Mr. Vazquez said.

He’s right, we need to get more people in these 33% APR products!

Hunter Biden Arrives At White House Dressed As Turkey In Hopes Of Being Pardoned By Trump - The Babylon Bee

President Trump agreed to pardon the unusually large and vocal turkey.

Not the worst plan.

Walmart Thanks Government For Completely Obliterating Their Small Business Competition - The Babylon Bee

it’s been super great for us! No longer do we have to worry about the baker down the street or the family-owned hardware store next door taking away some of our business. The government just blew them up! We didn’t even ask them to! Can you believe it? What luck!

Cable companies are gross from top to bottom. They’re slimy when you sign up, horrible when you’re with them, and difficult to deal with when you leave.

Pink sunrise on an early Sunday morning donut run.

Nation That Hasn’t Been To Church In Eight Months Not Sure Why Everybody’s So Anxious And Worried - The Babylon Bee

A survey of Evangelicals showed that 92% of them would be willing to hug a church greeter while singing “Good Good Father” if it meant going back to normal services again.

Even robots need to rest.

Student Loan Losses Seen Costing U.S. More Than $400 Billion - WSJ

The government lends more than $100 billion each year to students to cover tuition at more than 6,000 colleges and universities. It ignores factors such as credit scores and field of study, and it doesn’t analyze whether students will earn enough after graduating to cover their debt.

What could go wrong?

Airbnb Executive Resigned Last Year Over Chinese Request for More Data Sharing - WSJ

Mr. Joyce believed most people using the platform weren’t aware of the extent of the data shared, which included phone numbers, email addresses and messages between users and the company

Trump Appears To Doubting Tucker And Lets Him Touch The Fraudulent Ballots Himself - The Babylon Bee

Trump smiled and patted Carlson on the head. “You have seen the evidence and believed, but blessed are those who have believed the election was rigged without seeing any evidence. They are tremendous people, the best, really.”

Tiny paw.

‘We Must Cancel Thanksgiving,’ Says CDC Scientist Who Looks Suspiciously Like A Turkey In A Lab Coat - The Babylon Bee

“We must cancel Thanksgiving this year. It is completely off the table,” the scientist, Dr. Peck N. Gobble, said.

My children are masters of independent play. The morning hours that they spend happily exploring, dreaming, and using their imaginations are delightful.

🧸

Got an email from Instagram about new terms. Thought I deleted my account? Oops, guess I missed one. Fixed.

Modern manna.

Bernie Sanders Confused After U.S. Beats Cuba To Producing COVID Vaccine - The Babylon Bee

North Korea claims they have had a vaccine for years but they don’t even need it because people never get sick there.

Hard-Working Plumber Looking Forward To Paying For His Neighbor’s Gender Studies Degree - The Babylon Bee

successful Americans around the country are really looking forward to paying taxes to relieve the debt of people who purchased expensive yet useless college degrees.

Trump Signs Executive Order To Double Debt Of Journalism Students - The Babylon Bee

This move is expected to hit journalism schools especially hard, as journalism was already a fairly useless major, and now it will cost twice as much. The executive order also promises to be a big blow to journalists themselves, as they don’t make a lot of money since a lot of people do their job for free online.

App Store Fee Cut Attracts Criticism From Major Developers Like Spotify and Epic - MacRumors

The research, cited by The New York Times, states that the ‌App Store‌ fee change “will affect roughly 98 percent of the companies that pay Apple a commission… But those developers accounted for less than 5 percent of ‌App Store‌ revenues last year…” This means that Apple is retaining its 30 percent commission on the two percent of companies that generate 95 percent of its ‌App Store‌ revenue.

Boeing 737 MAX Cleared to Fly Again, but Covid-19 Has Sapped Demand - WSJ

Executives at Boeing have said they expect to deliver about half of its inventory of about 450 built MAXs by the end of next year, and the majority of those remaining the following year.

They’re not getting those parking lots back anytime soon.

Pfizer Says Vaccine Is 95% Effective in Final Data, Will Seek Authorization - WSJ

Out of 170 adult volunteers in the nearly 44,000-subject trial who developed Covid-19 with at least one symptom, 162 received a placebo, while eight got the vaccine, Pfizer and BioNTech said.

Remarkable.

Hundreds of Companies That Got Stimulus Aid Have Failed - WSJ

Mr. Clark put Waterford into chapter 7 bankruptcy to repay creditors by selling the company’s assets. Because he personally guaranteed a $1.5 million loan from the Small Business Administration last year, Mr. Clark, 68, expects to file for personal bankruptcy and auction off his home to pay creditors. “We all blame President Trump for his dereliction of duty; we would have been able to stay in business if he had done his job,” Mr. Clark said.

Taking out a personally guaranteed loan of $1.5 million is what put this guy out of business. Market downturns happen all of the time, if not the pandemic it would’ve been something else.

UPS is surprisingly competitive on pricing.

📦

Covered bridge.

Korean Air Acquires Asiana Airlines Rival – AirlineGeeks.com

Last year, Korean conglomerates Hyundai Development Co. and Mirea Asset Daewoo teamed up to bid on Asiana Airlines as they offered $2.1 billion for a 31% stake in Asiana. The beleaguered airline was expected to benefit from Hyundai’s cargo demand. The pandemic resulted in the termination of the transaction.

Wow, big news. We flew Asiana around during our time in South Korea.

Modern-Day Rebels Just Plan On Celebrating Holidays Like Normal - The Babylon Bee

In a leak to the press, Governor Whitmer’s network of spies revealed that the Ritterson family is planning on having brothers, sisters, and grandparents over for a lovely Thanksgiving and Christmas, filling the home with warmth and joy.

Threat To Democracy: This Defeated Presidential Candidate Keeps Claiming Election Was Stolen - The Babylon Bee

The deranged presidential candidate continues to question the results of the election, despite official sources all agreeing that she lost fair and square.

Trump Unveils Even Bigger White House Next To Current White House - The Babylon Bee

“If Biden insists on this completely fraudulent election,” Trump told the press, “then I guess he can have this dinky little fixer-upper I’m currently living in. In the meantime, I’ll be moving into the much better house next door!”

Wix is terrible. Hard to believe people actually like to use it!

It’s not clear to me why USPS doesn’t scan packages at every stop, like every other carrier.

Lockdown fatigue - Washington Examiner

Unfortunately, the U.S. enters this season with the public health community having squandered its credibility with the American public.

An important viewpoint to contextualize where we are now. It’s incredible how poorly public health performed.

Nah, I’m good.

To Protect His Executive Orders From Biden, Trump Signs With Permanent Marker - The Babylon Bee

“Yeah, he’s really out-smarted us this time,” said a frustrated Nancy Pelosi. “There’s nothing we can do about his executive orders now. They’re permanent!”

4D chess.

Media Confused By Completely Peaceful Protest - The Babylon Bee

“While we didn’t see physical violence here today, we heard violent speech, violent ideas, and violent singing. These people are basically violent,” said CNN reporter Jim Acosta. “If they are not stopped, they may violently stop watching news from trusted sources like CNN or violently expose corruption in Joe Biden’s administration.”

This is a view that I’ll miss. Two and a half weeks to go.

10 Interesting Facts About The American Healthcare System - The Babylon Bee

• Doctors have to eat two dozen popsicles a day to get all their tongue depressors.

• 3 weeks after you receive care at a hospital, the billing office will just send you five random bills from their giant stack of bills.

Both true!

I’d be interested to see a study in how the sales tax on state recreational drugs falls by socio-economic brackets. My suspicion is that, like the lottery, the tax disproportionally falls on the lower rungs.

Evolution In Action? This Baby Was Born With A Mask On His Face - The Babylon Bee

After further investigation, doctors discovered a few more mutations in little Jared Zimmerman. The newborn had self-washing hands, which washed themselves every ten minutes; the little guy was also born with a bottle of Lysol attached to his hip; and most impressive of all, the newborn emitted a strong magnetic force which kept anyone from outside of his household six feet away from him at all times. 

Wow, the new iPhone boxes are crazy thin.

I’ve moved 15 times in my life. About to make move #16, and this is the first time I’ve ever done a local move.

📦

Local Man Wouldn’t Have Believed There Was Election Fraud Except Media, Big Tech Keep Insisting That There Wasn’t - The Babylon Bee

But then something happened that changed his mind: Facebook, Twitter, Google, Fox News, CNN, and more giant corporations keep screaming at him via notifications, messages, and broadcasts that there was no election fraud. Now, he’s starting to think maybe there is something fishy going on.

macOS 11.

Big day.

🖥

Girlfriend Keeps Referring To Herself As ‘Wife-Elect’ Despite No Official Word From Boyfriend - The Babylon Bee

“Uh, honey—” Winston could be heard starting to interject before Wendy went ahead and dialed up local caterers and contractors to make arrangements for the wedding, which was surely going to unify their two families who haven’t always gotten along, and bring about a glorious time of family healing.

Uh-Oh: Trump Seen Reading ‘Military Coups For Dummies’ - The Babylon Bee

“He’s just a very curious person who reads a lot of different things, but it doesn’t mean he’s planning anything,” McEnany answered. “I mean, you saw him reading Harry Potter, but he didn’t try to become a wizard.”

On Veterans Day, I like to post service photos of my dad. Here he is in front of his A-10 Thunderbolt II.

A 25 year old man, he was entrusted with an entire weapons system and charged with helping ground troops in danger fight and win. Our American warfighters are incredible.

All gave some, some gave all.

To the defenders of freedom: thank you!

🇺🇸

Greyhound was a very boring movie. Very little plot and a meaningless three minute love story sequence. Not sure why Apple picked it up and there’s no way it would’ve performed well at the box office.

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 79% while only awarding a 61% to Happy Gilmore. As I’ve said many times on this blog, tells you all that you need to know about Rotten Tomatoes.

Vatican report that absolves Francis, validates but shoots arrows at Vigano, and throws major shade on John Paul II.

Still struggling to understand what is so hard about all of this.

10 Ways To Put Christ Back In Christmas This Year - The Babylon Bee

When the mall Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, reply “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, AMEN.”

I’m doing this.

I’m really happy that Apple changed the Memoji icon in iOS 14.2. Still probably won’t use it, tho.

Greyhound

🍿

I’m with Jeff Foxworthy: I hate stupid people.

Shoutout to all of the websites in 2020 still running RSS feeds.

PPP Was a Fraudster Free-for-All, Investigators Say - WSJ

Given the limited criteria Congress set for the program, he said, “The scandal is what’s legal, not what’s illegal.”

This was the risk and it was discussed at the time. Programs can ramp up quickly to get money out fast or they can ramp up slowly and prevent fraud.

The decision was the economy needed liquidity and so they chose the former.

Not saying it was the right call, but this fake surprise many months later is a bit disingenuous.

Really hard to believe we’re moving in three weeks.

📦

Tighter Municipal Budgets Shrink Retiree Health Benefits - WSJ

Cities and states can’t afford to keep the same medical benefits they promised government retirees.

Pensions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

The Battle to Keep America’s Black Banks Alive - WSJ

Small banks make money on the spread between what they pay depositors and what they charge borrowers. For banks to make a profit, the good loans must far outnumber the bad. Black-owned banks that cater to riskier borrowers often find themselves on the wrong side of the equation.

A lengthy article without a single mention of credit unions. The difference? Banks need to make money for shareholders whereas credit unions return profit to members. Credit unions the absolute right solution to the financial deserts in underserved communities. They’re not there to make money, they’re there to serve the community.

Sunset clouds.

‘That’s F***ed Up’: Bill Maher Slams Big Tech For Censoring Border Patrol Chief - The Daily Wire

“The business model, so long as we’re the product which is the point we make in the film, we are worth more when we’re addicted, distracted, outraged, narcissistic, polarized, and disinformed than if we are a thriving citizen, an informed citizen of a democracy,” Harris said, according to Fox.

Ain’t that the truth.

Rioters Demand A Recount - The Babylon Bee

“I was all ready to do my Christmas shopping, and then Biden won,” said a dejected rioter as he stood there with an unlit Molotov cocktail. “How am I supposed to pick up a new Xbox now that Trump lost?”

The Presidential Endgame - WSJ

The FBI’s abuses in 2016 were a genuine scandal that the media would have called out had it been aimed at a Democrat. Instead they treated Rep. Adam Schiff’s lies as gospel. And then New York Times sages puzzle in public about why 70 million Americans again voted for Donald Trump? Look in the mirror, folks.

69 Million Trump Supporters Take To Streets To Drive To Work And Go About Their Lives As Normal - The Babylon Bee

Some got out of their cars and marched, but they were just marching into their offices and onto construction sites, the ones where they work, because they have jobs and their whole lives don’t hinge on who is or isn’t in the White House.

Actual life for the average American. Just trying to go to work and raise their kids.

Wife’s Side Of The Bed Obviously Gerrymandered - The Babylon Bee

We see in the Harrison household that the woman has a clear advantage on the map. Look at this ridiculous map! She’s almost got the whole bed!

Experts Call For 15 Days Of Counting To Flatten The Curve Of Votes For Trump - The Babylon Bee

While some scientists recommended just letting the votes for Trump be counted fairly until we all achieve herd immunity to Trump, others said we need to lock down the vote-counting places, and make sure no one can get inside, in order to kill off the virus of Trump.

Everyone Who Was Completely Wrong About Election Day Ready To Explain What Happens Next - The Babylon Bee

“So now the counting is still ongoing,” said commentator Nathan Hanson, making at least one simple factual statement he couldn’t screw up – a stark contrast to his prediction of a blue wave for Democrats leading up to November 4th. “Here’s how this is likely to play out,” he continued, following it up with some of his pointless guesses that have never actually panned out, the usual dribble he somehow gets paid for in the ongoing scam known as cable news.

Call me Cleo!

I’ve had the hardest time getting my Apple Watch to unlock my Mac. Today’s software updates fixed that. Thanks, Apple!

⌚️

Germany’s Shift From Wolf to Lamb - WSJ

Yet mighty Germany, the world’s second-largest exporter, won’t dispatch its frigates to safeguard the freedom of the seas. It remains what it has been while hundreds of thousands U.S. troops stood guard throughout Europe: a net consumer of security, not a net producer.

A fascinating read!

When you roll down his window, my son will want his airplane to take flight.

Trump and Biden Go to Election Overtime - WSJ

Amid fears of unrest, shops in Midtown Manhattan and other major cities are boarded up. What a sad sight to behold in the United States.

Indeed.

Britain Locks Down, Again - WSJ

public behavior such as haphazard social distancing and fudging of current restrictions on socializing suggest lockdown fatigue is mounting.

Ain’t that the truth.

Confessionals Installed Outside Polling Places So Catholics Can Confess Sin Of Voting For A Pro-Abortion Candidate - The Babylon Bee

“This will save a lot of carbon emissions, as voters won’t have to drive all the way to a nearby parish to confess their great sin against the Lord.”

Pope Francis did caution us about our carbon footprint!

Fox News Calls Arizona For Biden After 1 Vote Counted - The Babylon Bee

Fox News says it will wait until Trump wins at least 4 billion votes in Florida before the state is called for him, cautioning patience and reminding voters that there are still plenty of absentee ballots to come in from military overseas and the Chinese government.

With Hispanics Leaning Republican, Democrats Begin Calling For A Southern Border Wall - The Babylon Bee

“People are sneaking in through our porous southern border and doing the most horrible things imaginable, such as voting for Trump,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

Trump Tweet Reading ‘Good Morning, America!’ Labeled As Misinformation - The Babylon Bee

“It is NOT a good morning,” said Xander Vabalooka, head of Twitter’s emergency election misinformation squad. “Our democracy hangs in the balance! There is nothing ‘good’ about this morning until all the votes are counted and we get the correct results. We have therefore decided to label this tweet as misinformation.”

The masks are really coming off now.

I’m old enough to remember when Battleground States were just called Swing States.

United Moves Flight Crews Away from Downtown Hotels in Anticipation of Post-Election Civil Protests – AirlineGeeks.com

The action comes as many retailers board up downtown stores in anticipation of post-election protests.

A sad comment on the state of our democracy. Violence is anticipated if an election doesn’t go the way certain people want it too. We should not put up with this nonsense.

CNN Promises Not To Call The Race Unless Biden Is Ahead - The Babylon Bee

Many far-right conspiracy theorists on Fox News are planning to post some results on election day, but experts are reminding the public to ignore such dangerous misinformation until all the Democrat ballots are done being counted and CNN calls the election for Biden. Real and trusted news sites like CNN will suppress any news of victory until they can declare Biden the winner.

Man Stands In Long Line Run By Government To Vote For Government To Run His Healthcare - The Babylon Bee

The government has apologized for the long voting lines and is assuring the public that the lines for their cancer treatments and hip replacements will be much better run.

My son has just informed me that he hopes that a Battle Droid is elected president tomorrow.

Abolish Daylight Saving Time.

Big week! Our Nation gets to choose its destiny for the next four years.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that it’s far more important what happens in your house than what happens in the White House.

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Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses - The Babylon Bee

“We just want to make sure our businesses will be safe from the sudden outpouring of peace, love, and tolerance,” said one frightened business owner in Los Angeles as he frantically boarded up his hookah lounge. “You know, too much peace can sometimes intensify and end up destroying millions of dollars of property. You know, from all the peace.”

2020 is the perfect year to use the YNAB Fresh Start option.

Blessed Fr. Michael J. McGivney

Pray for Us

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Ex-Inmates Struggle in a Banking System Not Made for Them - WSJ

The criminal-justice system creates a host of fines and fees for both the guilty and the merely accused.

The costs imposed on accused and then acquitted individuals, or even indicted persons who have their charges dropped, is troubling. The State should be required to pick up the tab in those cases. Loser pays court costs.

ACB Hangs Up Sticker Chart To Help The Justices Remember Their Daily Chores - The Babylon Bee

Only a few days after her confirmation to the Supreme Court, Justice Amy Coney Barrett is already making much-needed changes to a messy and undisciplined group of 9 justices. Today, the young and energetic mother of seven children hung up a chore chart on the wall behind the bench to help organize important tasks such as cleaning, ironing, and writing dissenting opinions.

Chelsea Handler Patrols Polling Places To Make Sure No Black People Are Voting For Trump - The Babylon Bee

“Do I need to remind you that you’re a black person? You can’t vote for Trump, black person! Don’t you know he’s a racist and you’re an idiot if you vote for him as a black person?”

Good thing her show was canceled! Now she has the time to perform this civic service.

Democrats Hand Out Extra Ballots To Trick-Or-Treaters - The Babylon Bee

“Hey, kids! Have you or your parents voted for Joe Biden yet?” Frump said to a witch, an Iron Man, and a mermaid at his door. “Here, take these ballots I have filled out for you. Put your parent’s name or the name of a dead relative at the top and send them in!”

The anonymous ‘senior’ Trump official hyped by the New York Times is just some bureaucrat you’ve never heard of

it is important to note that Taylor was not even the DHS Chief of Staff when his article published in 2018. Yet the New York Times billed him anyway as a “senior official in the Trump administration," which is an awfully generous way to describe an obscure, mid-level staffer.

The overly generous use of anonymous sources is sure to have a chilling effect in the future. People just won’t take them seriously because every random nobody has been granted it.

Had Taylor put his actual name on that 2018 op-ed, the reaction from the public would have been the same as it is today — a resounding, “Who?” The New York Times surely realized this as well. Putting Taylor’s name on the story is not nearly as sexy as teasing readers with the belief that someone high up in the White House food chain was working as a double agent, a misconception the New York Times absolutely encouraged.

Twitter’s Censorship Method - WSJ

The dazed-looking Mr. Dorsey gave the impression he could not care less about his company’s abuse.

He doesn’t care at all. In fact, his company’s arbitrary policies suit him. If there was ever a temptation for me to rejoin the platform, this performance quashed it. I just don’t do business with companies like Twitter.

Anonymous Top-Level White House Official Revealed To Be Jussie Smollett - The Babylon Bee

“Mr. Smollett approached us with this anonymous report from inside the White House, and we felt we had a duty to relay his story to the American people,” said a New York Times editor. “We still believe the characterization of Mr. Smollett as a senior, top-level, super-important official in the Trump administration was accurate.”

Terrific burn.

Vote for Joe Biden? Seriously? - WSJ

Forgotten by many voters is that back in mid-February, after losing in Iowa and New Hampshire, it looked as if former Vice President Biden’s listless campaign would become his third failed attempt at the presidency.

C’mon man! He got 8.4% of the Democratic vote in New Hampshire!

Twitter: gross.

New York Governor Demands Accountability For Whoever Is Mismanaging New York - The Babylon Bee

“Whoever is running this state into the ground must be held accountable for their terrible mismanagement! I promise to get to the bottom of this because I am a fantastic leader," he said while holding up a copy of his latest leadership book: American Crisis. 

We Were Warned: SCOTUS Rules 6-3 That Voting For Biden Is Unconstitutional - The Babylon Bee

According to secret anonymous sources, ACB was overheard saying to a friend: “Yeah, it’s unconstitutional to vote for Joe Biden, mainly because he’s a commie. Also, the constitution doesn’t mention the name ‘Joe Biden’ anywhere which means he’s not eligible to become president because I’m an originalist and that’s totally how originalism works.” According to the unnamed sources, she then turned to a colleague and said, “I hate women!”

How could we have been so stupid?

Modern kids television programming is mostly garbage.

I’ve been stocking up on classic kids television: The Jetsons, The Pink Panther Show, Secret Squirrel, and Bugs Bunny. They love it!

Saving Private Biden - WSJ

The best summary of the new standard in election coverage was given by Mark Hemingway of RealClearInvestigations. After a particularly fawning news conference, he relayed the assessment of a friend: Watching the press handle Joe Biden is “like watching someone make sure a 3 year old wins Candyland.”

Democracy dies in darkness.

Justice Barrett Joins the Court - WSJ

Our hope is that the new Court will seek to restore the proper understanding of the separation of powers, while continuing to guard individual liberty as understood in the Constitution. This means reining in the administrative state, while nudging Congress to take back its powers by writing laws with specificity, instead of passing legislative Mad Libs for the executive to finish.

Emphasis added

AOC Enraged To Learn Long Line Is For Voting And Not Bread - The Babylon Bee

According to sources, people are sometimes waiting up to 2 hours at polling stations, but are able to get bread within 5 minutes due to America’s evil capitalist system.

Chick-Fil-A Accused Of Chicken Sandwich Suppression For Long Drive-Thru Line - The Babylon Bee

“I never thought I would see this kind of suppression in America. It makes me weep to think that some people may have to wait more than 10 minutes for a mind-blowingly delicious culinary experience at Chick-fil-A. I’m not even sure if this is America anymore.”

Holy See Moves To Washington After America Declared Catholic Theocracy - EOTT

After the Vatican’s decision became official, Trump told members of the media that what he’s calling Taylor Marshall Law would take effect in just one week. He also announced that the elections would no longer be taking place because the pope is now monarch of America, saying, “and when I say pope, I mean Benedict, a good Republican Christian, not that Democrat, Francis.”

50 Cent Appeals To New Trump Supporter Fanbase With Country Album - The Babylon Bee

50 Cent was originally going to take on a new, more patriotic name “50 States,” but after seeing the low taxes in Tenessee, he has opted for the new name “70 Cent.”

Show Off Does Novena In Eight Days - EOTT

Obnoxious, overachieving Catholic Lamett Erickson informed family and friends Tuesday morning that he had completed his novena a day early.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

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Senate aims to put Barrett closer to a final vote on Monday - WTOP

At the start of Trump’s presidency, McConnell engineered a Senate rules change to allow confirmation by a majority of the 100 senators, rather than the 60-vote threshold traditionally needed to advance high court nominees over objections.

A perfect illustration of the decay that has taken root in media reports. Where’s the context?

My kids only sleep in on days when we have somewhere to be.

Israel, Sudan Agree to Normalize Ties in U.S.-Brokered Deal - WSJ

U.S. and Israeli officials say they expect several other Muslim and Arab nations countries, including Morocco and Oman, to join the so-called Abraham Accords in the coming months. Besides the U.A.E. and Bahrain, Israel also has diplomatic relations with Jordan and Egypt.

The biggest story that no one is talking about. The fact that these leaders weren’t given a joint Noble Peace Prize this year is an absolute farce.

More Liberals Switching Their Vote To Trump After Realizing He’s Their Only Reason For Living - The Babylon Bee

Many progressives went to the polls intending to vote for Biden and switched at the last moment, suddenly having an existential crisis. If Trump loses, they reasoned, they would be completely rudderless for the next four years, not having anyone to blame all their problems on or claim to be oppressed by.

Biden Calls A Lid Until Election Day - The Babylon Bee

“Biden needs the next eleven days to prepare for his acceptance speech,” Biden’s campaign manager Jen O’Malley Dillon told reporters as she kept an eye on poll numbers.

Expensify CEO Urges Customers to Vote Against Trump - WSJ

its chief executive sent an anti-Trump email to roughly 10 million users of its software, saying that “anything less than a vote for Biden is a vote against democracy.”

Exactly! Democracy isn’t about weighing two options and then making an informed decision. It’s about doing what you’re told by people with blue checkmarks, rich white people, and celebrities.

Mail Service Deteriorated After Postmaster General Louis DeJoy’s Arrival, Watchdog Found - WSJ

Mr. DeJoy has strongly and repeatedly denied that he has any agenda other than to reduce an annual deficit that is expected to top $7.6 billion this year and improve postal efficiency.

We must now always assume the worst in everyone. I look forward to the problems at USPS being completely ignored once again starting November 4th.

The behind the scenes clips of these highly produced and edited interviews are nasty.

I didn’t like them before, and now I really don’t care for them.

Progressive 5-Year-Old Claims Cookie Crumbs All Over His Face Are Part Of Russian Disinformation Campaign - The Babylon Bee

His parents still grounded him, prompting him to call them “puppets of Putin.”

My phone slipped out of my hands and fell face down on brick floor. Only glass protector broke. Winning!!

Admittedly, I’m late to the party watching the excellent war film, Dunkirk. Christopher Nolan used his signature story telling mark to bring the viewer to the shores of France in the early days of World War II, when the Allied army was cornered and on the brink of collapse.

Most of us have the blessing of never living through a war. Our sole experience is the stories we hear from veterans, or the pictures we see in newspapers. To say that war is hell is an understatement.

Throughout the film, several storylines happen in parallel, with each character’s experience intertwined with the others. We follow a lowly private as he struggles, multiple times, to get off the beach and onto a seaworthy vessel bound for the British coast. We see the officers as they struggle to get a cohesive plan together to evacuate 400,000 British and French troops off the beach where they’re exposed. The army must reach the safety of Britain, so they can regroup and confront the German war machine.

What’s most captivating about the film is how it eliminates the romance that we tend to get in modern movies about armed conflict. There was no love story, only the raw emotions of the warfighter. We see the infantry, navy, and air force, each in their element. No one military man is any better off than the other. We see the brutality of war and it’s purely destructive nature.

When war is far off, it’s easy to put it out of mind. As we approach Veterans Day next month, I hope that we will, with our whole hearts, applaud those brave men and women who raised their hands to defend the Constitution, no matter the personal sacrifice that oath may require, so that we might all live in liberty and peace.

Facebook Has No Sense of Humor - WSJ

Last week we posted the satirical headline: “Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against a Duck to See If She Is a Witch.” It’s a reference to “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”—not a particularly believable joke, nor an original one (we did something similar during the Mueller investigations). But because we included the Pythonesque line “We must burn her,” Facebook accused us of “inciting violence” and deleted our post. The platform demonetized our page and gave us an ominous warning of future repercussions should we commit further violations. We attempted to appeal the violation. Facebook declined our appeal.

We were all privileged to live through the pontificate of Pope St. John Paul II, a man who stood up to the evils of Communism. He walked behind the Iron Curtain, spoke truth, and as Jesus did, pass through their midst. He called out the evils of a system that crushed the dignity of the human person, and utterly destroyed it.

That experience of the power of truth in the modern world, and seeing the change that moral authority of the Church can affect, left an impression on all of us.

In these days when the Pontiff abdicates his pastoral responsibility for the care of the Church and people of China, or in quips to the media seeks to upend the brilliance of the Catholic Intellectual Tradition, it’s easy to become discouraged.

Don’t let the flame go out.

Pope St. John Paul II, pray for us.

Embarrassed Pope Suddenly Realizes He’s Been Reading The Bible Upside Down This Whole Time - The Babylon Bee

“Oh, man! No wonder I’ve been getting it wrong all these years!” said an embarrassed Pope Francis, head in his hands. “I was wondering why my theology was always diametrically opposed to historic Christian teaching.”

Pope Francis Backs Civil Unions for Gay Couples, in Shift for Vatican - WSJ

The Vatican’s position on civil unions has until now been set forth in a 2003 document by the doctrinal office, then led by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the future Pope Benedict XVI. According to that document, “respect for homosexual persons cannot lead in any way to approval of homosexual behavior or to legal recognition of homosexual unions.”

Israel, U.A.E. to Allow Citizens Visa-Free Travel - WSJ

It comes after both the Israeli and Emirati governments ratified the treaty they signed at the White House last month, putting the diplomatic deals into effect.

What an incredible fall for US foreign affairs.

Texas Passes Law Banning Californians From Voting After They Move There - The Babylon Bee

Experts say this will prevent the happy and prosperous slice of heaven from sliding into the endless despair and crushing poverty of leftist policy.

Have the Bidens Denied the Story Yet? - WSJ

Five days after the New York Post started publishing alleged emails detailing Biden family corruption, the Bidens still haven’t claimed they’re counterfeit.

Fair point.

After breakfast playtime & brew. ☕️

Household Access to Banks Improved But Could Be Driven Lower by Covid-19, FDIC Says - WSJ

The reason for not having a bank account most frequently cited by respondents in the FDIC’s survey was inability to meet minimum balance requirements. Many of the nation’s largest banks charge monthly fees unless customers maintain several hundred dollars or more in their accounts.

Credit Unions are the clear solution to this problem.

Biden: ‘Parents Should Be Supportive Of An 8-Year-Old’s Choice To Stick A Fork In An Electrical Outlet’ - The Babylon Bee

Joe Biden has taken a bold stance for defending the autonomy of one of the nation’s most vulnerable groups: 8-year-olds. Biden suggests that kids always know what’s best for themselves and should be able to make choices concerning their own health without judgment.

Got it done. 🇺🇸

China Warns U.S. It May Detain Americans in Response to Prosecutions of Chinese Scholars - WSJ

The Chinese message, the people said, has been blunt: The U.S. should drop prosecutions of the Chinese scholars in American courts, or Americans in China might find themselves in violation of Chinese law.

Nice to see the Chinese government formally admit it uses hostage diplomacy to achieve its ends. Honesty is so refreshing.

Biden Suggests Stopping Criminals By Making Them Slip On Banana Peels - The Babylon Bee

“Look, Jack, if a criminal is running toward you, you don’t have to shoot them,” Biden said at last night’s town hall on ABC. “All you have to do is pull out your trusty banana peel, throw it on the ground, and they’ll slip. It’s safe, humane, and hilarious.”

Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article, Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts - The Babylon Bee

Big Tech attempted to censor The Bee since they are non-Christian Democrats and are very afraid of the whole world becoming Christian. Unfortunately, all the Big Tech censors actually read a Babylon Bee article and became Christians themselves.

Undefeated: Trump Now 2-0 Against Moderators - The Babylon Bee

Sure enough, the polls reflected Trump’s victory, as he’s still polling at close to half the popular vote, while Savannah Guthrie has literally zero of the popular vote.

The FICO credit score is one of the most consumer-hostile, arrogant products on the market today.

Companies that you don’t do business with, vacuum up your personal information for their own profit, and then assign you an incredibly consequential score with zero consideration given to employment, income, or assets.

Michigan Court Rescinds 14-Day Extension for Receipt of Mail Ballots - WSJ

The Michigan appeals court said that voting rule changes shouldn’t be left to judges, and that Michigan voters have options to ensure their ballot arrives on time, citing ballot drop boxes as one example.

Every vote should be counted.

It is completely reckless to be changing the rules, by fiat, this close to an election.

In the United States, we only allow adults to vote. Adults should be responsible for casting their ballot if that’s what they want to do. The deadline is widely known and there are now more ways than ever to vote. Be responsible and turn your ballot in by the deadline or don’t be counted.

“Designing adjustments to our election integrity laws is the responsibility of our elected policy makers, not the judiciary,” the appeals panel wrote.

Mark Zuckerberg Pops Out Of Man’s Shower To Warn Him The Story He’s Reading Is Fake News - The Babylon Bee

Waters attempted to have Zuckerberg removed from his house, but the tech CEO pointed out the section of Facebook’s terms of service that clearly lays out Zuckerberg’s right to come into your home and correct you on fake news at any time. It also gives Zuckerberg unlimited snack privileges.

Twitter Shuts Down Entire Network To Slow Spread Of Negative Biden News - The Babylon Bee

After seeing account after account tweet out one particularly bad story, CEO Jack Dorsey realized he had to take action. Dorsey smashed a glass box in his office reading “Break In Case Of Bad Publicity For Democrats.” Inside the case was a sledgehammer for smashing Twitter’s servers.

Big Tech Fights Election Interference By Interfering In Election - The Babylon Bee

From nagging people to vote and curating their own election information as the only source of legitimate voting information for their users to squashing stories that would hurt the candidates they like and locking out conservatives from their social media accounts, big tech companies are working hard to ensure that they’re the only ones who are allowed to influence the election results this year.

You Should Absolutely NOT Read The Disgusting, Totally False Story About Joe Biden’s Son That We’ve Linked To In This Article - The Babylon Bee

Since you did not click on that article, you were not horrified by all the alleged revelations about H. Biden. So your life is much better for not reading the completely false story. We are glad you did not read it and share it with others. Because you are a good, upstanding citizen and would not share false smears about someone. Good job!

NBC Actors, Producers Protest Network’s Decision to Host Trump Town Hall at Same Time as Biden’s ABC Event - WSJ

the group said the decision to give Mr. Trump such a platform after his refusal to debate Mr. Biden is “enabling the President’s bad behavior while undercutting the Presidential Debate Commission and doing a disservice to the American public.”

A legitimate complaint would be that using the same time slot prevents Americans from seeing both candidates.

The whole promise of the Nest Protect is that it’d never just chirp at you when there’s a problem. It would use a nice voice to let you know exactly the problem.

It was a great promise, that turned into a lie last night at 11:15pm when it started chirping every 60 seconds. The sensors failed, over a year short of it’s life expectancy.

Facebook’s Conservative Emergency - WSJ

The censorship pressure against the company is about controlling political speech. Right-of-center sites have grown in popularity online as alternatives to mainstream news sites that have become relentlessly and almost uniformly left-wing, especially in the last four years.

Who’s Afraid of Amy Coney Barrett? - WSJ

The Senate confirmation hearings for Amy Coney Barrett may lack for political drama, but they are still instructive. They are revealing the deep fault lines over the Supreme Court, and how Democrats view it as a mini-legislature to achieve policy goals, rather than a real judicial body.

Excellent analysis from start to finish.

iPhone 12 Pro and iPhone 12 Pro Max - Apple

A14 Bionic. The only thing even close was our last chip.

The truest, most accurate marketing language on Apple’s website.

HomePod, HomePod mini pairing, new Home Theater support coming

A new feature is coming for only for the HomePod that will add an immersive home theater experience when paired with an Apple TV 4K.

Wahoo!!!!

Ominous Sign: Biden Spotted Fitting As Many Judges As He Can Into A Phone Booth - The Babylon Bee

Some judges protested and asked why he was doing this, but Biden told them that they didn’t “deserve to know.”

ACB Calmly Answers Questions While Typing Up Appellate Court Decision And Cooking Dinner For 9 - The Babylon Bee

“That’s a great question, Senator, thank you for asking,” she responded to one line of questioning as she chopped up onions to put them in her stew. “Sorry if I’m crying during my response – it’s just the onions.”

Beautiful afternoon walk.

Apple sure does love its social engineering!

I think I’ll move my calendars from iCloud to Fastmail today.

Joe Biden on What Voters ‘Deserve’ - WSJ

He added: “Now, look, I know it’s a great question, and y’all—and I don’t blame you for asking it. But you know the moment I answer that question, the headline in every one of your papers will be about that.” Yes, it’s called news.

The Parent Trap

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Benedict let the Pigeon drive the bus.

Revision mode in Ulysses is baller.com!

One of the best parts about running your own blog is the ability to backdate posts.

Kamala Harris Gets a Fracking Education - WSJ

The International Energy Agency earlier this year reported that the U.S. “saw the largest decline in energy-related CO2 emissions in 2019 on a country basis” due to a 15% reduction in the use of coal for power generation and “US emissions are now down almost 1 Gt [gigatonne] from their peak in the year 2000, the largest absolute decline by any country over that period.” To sum up: President Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord and eased the Obama-Biden Administration’s economically destructive climate regulations, and the U.S. is still leading the world in CO2 reductions.

Castro.app is not as great as I’d hoped on the cellular Apple Watch. It might be time for me to switch to Overcast.

Your Cash Earns Zip, Zilch, Nada. Don’t Make It Worse. - WSJ

Since the Federal Reserve is depressing interest rates, it seems only fair that I should depress you. So please allow me to point out that $100,000 in a savings account will earn, if you’re lucky, $220 in interest income in 2020.

Ouch.

Biden: ‘I Won’t Reveal Whether I Plan On Abolishing The Constitution And Establishing A Glorious Communist Utopia Until After I’m Elected’ - The Babylon Bee

“Look, if I tell you whether or not I plan to institute a new Communist order, establishing a glorious worker-led revolution that will lead us out of this capitalistic nightmare and into a paradisical utopia, that would become the headline. That would be playing Trump’s game. So I’m not going to say whether I support this great idea.”

Dunkirk

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Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden - The Babylon Bee

“Plus, the Biden campaign didn’t have to pay them since they are already being paid a full salary with taxpayer dollars. It was a win-win for us!”

Conservative Activist Grabbed Trump’s Eye on Diversity Training - WSJ

White House chief of staff Mark Meadows called Mr. Rufo the morning after the TV program and asked him to share his findings, saying President Trump had watched it, a person familiar with the matter said.

Trump is such a rube for falling for opinions of people on TV. Doesn’t he know he’s only supposed to get new policy positions from rich lobbyists at $10,000 a plate fundraisers?!

The Plot Against Gretchen Whitmer - WSJ

Ms. Whitmer has exceeded her legal authority in the pandemic, and often in arrogant fashion. But the recourse for her critics is politics and the law, not violence and kidnapping.

This plot is the responsibility of those who conspired to carry it out and and theirs alone. They are terrorists through and through.

White House Preparing New $1.8 Trillion Stimulus Proposal - WSJ

The White House proposal increases its previous offer by about $200 billion

Just keeps getting worse. Nothing like beating a dead horse, tho.

Kamala Harris Pulls Fire Alarm When Asked About Packing The Supreme Court - The Babylon Bee

“Oh no! I really want to clear this up once and for all and give the American people a simple yes or no answer, but there’s no time! I think I smell smoke!”

A solid debate, indeed.

Nero Surprised To Learn That All He Had To Do To Stop Christians From Gathering Was Declare A Pandemic - The Babylon Bee

The infamous, oppressive ruler of Rome wasted a lot of energy trying to stop Christians from worshiping Jesus when all along, churches would apparently have just shut down voluntarily if he’d just told them there was a virus with a 99.7% recovery rate going around.

New York City’s Ultra-Orthodox Jewish Leaders Decry New Lockdown Measures - WSJ

Many of the targeted areas have a high concentration of ultra-Orthodox Jews, who are in the middle of a religious holiday, Sukkot.

Unconstitutional abuse of power. But what else has the past seven months been?

Pelosi’s Taxpayer Ransom Demand - WSJ

A Republican President was willing to spend an amount that was half the federal budget only a few years ago, and Mrs. Pelosi said no. Some spirit of compromise.

Psst… G’Day, Australia! Just Wanted To Let You Know That We Always Liked You Better Than Those Dumb Americans - The Babylon Bee

What’s up, Australia! Having a nice afternoon? Americans are all sleeping right now, so while they’re down for the night, we just wanted to let you know that all along, we’ve been on your side.

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying - The Babylon Bee

As the president begins to show signs of recovery, many worry that this sends the wrong message about the seriousness of the global pandemic.

Woman Immediately Healed After Touching Hem Of Trump’s Suit Jacket - The Babylon Bee

The story of President Trump’s miraculous healing from the deadly China Virus has spread all across the nation. This led one woman, in her desperation, to seek out the president after all her doctors had failed to heal her of her deadly COVID ailment.

My son drew a cat at school today. It is very cute!

Trump’s Hospital Room Flooded With ‘Get Dead Soon’ Cards From Democrats - The Babylon Bee

Such cards have become so popular that Hallmark has added a “For Sick Presidents You Don’t Like” section

Trump Briefly Leaves Hospital To Wave To Supporters From F-22 Raptor - The Babylon Bee

“America!” the president cried as he flew by the ecstatic crowd, though they couldn’t hear him over the roar of the fighter jet’s engines.

Apps are super slow to roll out their widget support.

Trump Adds ‘Black Lives Matter’ Sticker To SUV So Media Can’t Claim He’s Spreading COVID - The Babylon Bee

“Checkmate,” Trump said as he smiled and waved to reporters.

Governor Whitmer Refuses To Throw Ring Of Power Back Into Fires Of Mount Doom - The Babylon Bee

“Nooo! Not my precious!” Whitmer screamed as the state Supreme Court handed down the order to destroy the Ring. “Nasty, nasty Constitution! We don’t likes it! Nasty, fat Founding Fathers!” She turned and left.

Pope Francis Says Covid-19 Pandemic Shows Limits to Market Economics - WSJ

The encyclical includes severe words about digital culture, which he says “encourages remarkable hostility, insults, abuse, defamation and verbal violence destructive of others, and this with a lack of restraint that could not exist in physical contact without tearing us all apart.”

A bright spot in this letter.

“Things that until a few years ago could not be said by anyone without risking the loss of universal respect can now be said with impunity, and in the crudest terms, even by some political figures,” Pope Francis writes.

A Huawei Turning Point - WSJ

The U.S.-led campaign isn’t about promoting American companies, as Sweden’s Ericsson and Finland’s Nokia will be the biggest winners of Huawei’s exclusion from Europe. The real concern is national security. Huawei has longstanding ties to the People’s Liberation Army, and no Chinese company is independent under Communist Party rule.

Regal Cinemas Suspending Operations at All U.S. Locations - WSJ

“We are like a grocery shop that doesn’t have vegetables, fruit, meat,” Cineworld CEO Mooky Greidinger said in an interview. “We cannot operate for a long time without a product.”

I’d like to see this pandemic completely break the traditional film distribution model.

An End to Michigan’s Endless Emergency - WSJ

“Almost certainly,” Justice Markman wrote for the majority, “no individual in the history of this state has ever been vested with as much concentrated and standardless power to regulate the lives of our people, free of the inconvenience of having to act in accord with other accountable branches of government.”

It’s great that the Courts are starting to deliver relief on these extended “emergencies,” but it’s remarkable how long they were permitted to endure totally unchecked.

The real solution in emergencies is for all constitutiencies to work together. Government first encourages and gains the buy in of the public. Then the Executive and Legislative branches work together on solutions as needed within the legal framework of a jurisdiction.

What happened in this case is everyone panicked over the course of a single week. They ran right past asking the public to pitch in and instead opted for unending emergencies and odious infringements on civil liberty.

The World That War Has Made - WSJ

The income tax, a rare and light burden in the U.S. before 1914, steadily grew, first as an emergency measure during World War I and then afterward as American governments found that they could tax more heavily without breaking the economy. (Emphasis added)

Emergency powers are a dangerous thing.

Happy Feast of St. Francis! 🦌

Party That Wants To Run Your Healthcare Roots For Political Opponent To Die - The Babylon Bee

Leftists who want to manage your healthcare for your own good also think it is a good thing when their political opponents fall ill, and they’re especially excited when they die. From Trump’s brother Robert to Herman Cain, whenever someone with the wrong beliefs dies, they are ecstatic.

New Footage Shows Heroic Trump Leaping In Front Of Mike Pence To Protect Him From Sneeze - The Babylon Bee

“But, quarantine isn’t so bad. I get soup and cartoons, all day. Can you believe this coyote? He’s a total failure! Hasn’t so much as laid his hands on the roadrunner all day. A real loser! I’d catch the roadrunner in two, three hours tops.”

Free, Privacy-First Analytics for a Better Web

The most popular analytics services available were built to help ad-supported sites sell more ads. But, a lot of websites don’t have ads. So if you use those services, you’re giving up the privacy of your users in order to understand how what you’ve put online is performing.

Another reason to love Cloudflare. Will be enabling this feature across all of my sites.

What’s the Ballot Deadline? Who Knows - WSJ

But it’s certainly true that, left to their own devices, judges across the country are making it up as they go.

General Motors’ Credit Card, Brought to You by Goldman Sachs - WSJ

In addition to its Apple card, which had $4.5 billion in outstanding balances as of June 30

That escalated quickly.

Biden Claims Communist China Is ‘Just An Idea’ - The Babylon Bee

“The right wants you to think Communist China is an organized threat, but it’s just an idea,” Biden said.

Enough to ruin any taxpayers’ day.

‘No Chris Wallace To Save You Now!’ Trump Ambushes Biden In Alleyway To Debate Him - The Babylon Bee

“Don’t I get two minutes to respond?” Biden finally asked.

October 1st, amirite?

Americans Come Out Of Debate Excited By Their Two Great Choices - The Babylon Bee

“One of those two will be running the country for the next four years? How can you not be optimistic?”

Pompeo Calls On Pope Francis to Defend Religious Freedom in China - WSJ

A senior Vatican official expressed irritation with Mr. Pompeo’s suggestion that the Holy See hadn’t been standing up for religious freedom in China. “We speak about religious freedom to China all the time, but we do so in our own way,” the official said.

Get real, dude.

Google Makes Concessions in Effort to Buy Fitbit - WSJ

“This deal is about devices, not data,” Google said.

lol, coming from a company that deals exclusively in data.

Apple Removes RSS Feed Readers From Chinese App Store - MacRumors

Fiery Feeds and Reeder both tweeted that their iOS apps had been removed in China over content that is considered “illegal” in the country.

Oh Apple, that brave and moral multinational corporation.

The full moon is gorgeous. 🌕

Hello, Fall! 🍁

CNN Pre-Debate Poll Shows Biden Clearly Won Debate - The Babylon Bee

It is unclear if the actual debate tonight could affect the poll results, but most experts expect that it will not.

Saves me 90 minutes during my evening!

Ilhan Omar Seen Driving Giant Industrial Ballot Harvester Through Minneapolis - The Babylon Bee

On loan from the DNC, the state-of-the-art harvester is capable of harvesting over 200 bushels of votes per hour, allowing candidates to harvest enough votes to cheat an opponent out of an election. And best of all, every vote is 100% home-grown, locally sourced, and organic.

At the beginning of the pandemic, the retailers were unreliable. Now it’s the delivery carriers who are unreliable.

Tehran 🍿

Excellent first episode, but the producers know absolutely nothing about airplanes.

‘What Is Thy Bidding, My Master?’ Asks Amy Coney Barrett To Cloaked, Holographic Pope - The Babylon Bee

“I am the Senate,” snapped the Pope. “Now, do whatever I say, like a good Catholic!”

Libertarian Voters Flock To Trump After Learning He Avoided Paying Taxes - The Babylon Bee

“Only paying a few hundred in federal theft? This guy is my hero!” said libertarian man Murray Mickelson of New Hampshire. “If only all of us could be that smart with our taxes.”

Amy Coney Barrett and Joe Biden: Two Catholics, One Double Standard - WSJ

For this election, Democrats have pulled out all the stops to let Americans know what a swell Catholic Joe Biden is. The party’s larger message, both timely and welcome, is that it’s OK to be a person of faith. The test is whether the same courtesy applies to Mr. Biden’s fellow Catholic, Judge Amy Coney Barrett. Even before President Trump formally nominated her for the Supreme Court on Saturday, the calumnies started circulating: the faith community her family belongs to is a “Christofascist cult,” she and her husband are “white colonizers” for adopting two children from Haiti, her Catholicism makes her, in the words of Bill Maher, “a f— nut,” and so on.

EPA Raises Legal Questions About California’s Plan to Ban New Gas-Powered Cars Starting in 2035 - WSJ

“California’s record of rolling blackouts—unprecedented in size and scope—coupled with recent requests to neighboring states for power begs the question of how you expect to run an electric car fleet that will come with significant increases in electricity demand, when you can’t even keep the lights on today,” Mr. Wheeler wrote in the letter.

Someone had to say it.

ACB Racing To Get Dinner Ready For Husband So He’ll Let Her Out To Overturn Roe V. Wade - The Babylon Bee

When dinner was finally served and deemed “adequate,” Judge Barrett’s husband told her, “Okay, you can go do your knitting club or whatever.”

AirPlay 2 and HomeKit Coming to Select 4K Roku TVs and Devices Later This Year - MacRumors

AirPlay 2 will enable users to stream videos, music, podcasts, and more directly from an iPhone, iPad, or Mac to a compatible Roku smart TV, with no Apple TV box necessary. And with HomeKit support, users can easily control the TV’s power, volume, source, and more using Siri or the Home app on iPhone, iPad, and Mac.

Software is a miracle.

Evangelical Leaders Anoint Amy Coney Barrett With Cup Of Chick Fil A Sauce - The Babylon Bee

“This delicious soybean oil-based nectar is the most spiritually powerful oil in the world. Its hallowed combination of honey mustard, barbecue sauce, and ranch is a holy trinity of flavors that will protect and empower Amy Coney Barrett as she protects religious freedom for all.”

Sad: Antifa Rioter Excitedly Runs Out To Burn Down Neighborhood Only To Realize He Already Burned It Down In The Last Riot - The Babylon Bee

Tragic! This Antifa rioter was excited to go on a road trip and burn down a black neighborhood, only to discover he’d already burned it down in the last round of rioting. After learning Trump was appointing a strong, brave, independent woman to the Supreme Court, he got really upset and decided it was time to show the right he meant business by going out and burning things down. Sadly, there was nothing left to burn down.

Trump and Biden Trade Barbs on Social Security but Avoid Substance - WSJ

[…] knows how important Social Security is to the middle-class Americans who have spent their whole lives working toward a dignified retirement […]

Social Security benefits, or the scheme more generally, is definitely not a dignified retirement.

The FBI’s Bad Intelligence - WSJ

The bureau relied on a suspected Russian agent for the information it used to obtain a secret surveillance warrant against former Trump adviser Carter Page.

Huh. I missed reading about this little nugget in other publications.

Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz last year revealed that former spook Christopher Steele relied on one primary “subsource” for most of his accusations against the Trump campaign. This subsource was later identified as Ukrainian-born Igor Danchenko, who worked as a research analyst from 2005 to 2010 at the Brookings Institution in Washington. The latest disclosures show that Mr. Danchenko was the subject of an FBI counterintelligence investigation from 2009 to 2011, based on concerns he was a Russian agent and “a threat to national security.”

Blue Health Insurers Reach Tentative Antitrust Settlement for $2.7 Billion - WSJ

David Boies, a lead attorney for the plaintiffs, said, “There is no settlement until terms have been approved by the parties and the court” but added that the reported terms “would be a very good result for the parties and the public. It will significantly increase competition in the health insurance market, and provide individuals and companies who purchase health insurance with more choices and lower prices.”

And more importantly, a gigantic payday for Mr. Boies, the brave and moral attorney who enabled the Theranos scam to endure for so long.

Finally made it to Coffee o’clock.

☕️

Big day.

👨🏻‍💻 + 👦🏼👧🏻👧🏼👶🏼

State With No Electricity Orders Everyone To Drive Cars That Run On Electricity - The Babylon Bee

The order takes effect in 2035, meaning by that time, everyone in the state with no electricity will only be able to plug in their cars to the power grid that does not work.

Fauci Renews Pandemic For Highly Anticipated Season 2 - The Babylon Bee

Inside sources confirmed that all 365 episodes of the pandemic will be carried on all networks and streaming services starting January 1st. Fans who purchase Bill Gates’ experimental vaccine will be treated to early access. Other sources, however, say this is not completely set in stone. If Joe Biden wins the election in November, season 2 will likely be canceled.

North Korea Kills and Burns the Body of a Seoul Official Found in Its Waters - WSJ

North Korea is thought to have issued a shoot-to-kill order at its borders as part of its Covid-19 containment measures

The paranoia of this brutal regime knows no bounds.

My grill game is strong.

California to Ban Sales of New Gas-Powered Cars Starting in 2035 - WSJ

About 2% of all new car sales in the U.S. last year for electric vehicles. In California, that figure was 5.3%

What an absolute joke.

City Recycling Provider:

In order to reduce our Carbon Footprint and control costs for your city, we’ll be cutting our recycling pickups in half starting next month.

Um, what?

I hope watchOS 8 gives me a grid option for apps. The current two options are both terrible.

One Senator’s Strategy for Containing Chinese Technological Dominance - WSJ

“China has shown that the development and use of cutting-edge technology and economic expansion are, indeed, possible within authoritarian-state capitalism.”

Mainly via theft.

New season, new door magnet.

🍁

Remaining Liberal Justices Given Pink Slips As Trump Reduces Court Size - The Babylon Bee

“I heard about court-packing,” Trump told the press. “I looked into it, and it ends up you can change the number of justices on the Supreme Court! Some people say it’s bad, very bad. But I think it may be actually very good, really. We’re trying to cut costs and get the economy rolling again! Why are we paying for all these extra justices we don’t even need? So we’re doing kind of a reverse court-packing process and getting rid of all the really bad judges who don’t like me”

Fisher-Price Releases ‘My First Peaceful Protest’ Playset With House You Can Actually Burn Down - The Babylon Bee

“We need to teach our kids what democracy looks like, and there’s no better example of democracy in action than violent vandalism and arson. We hope this new playset will serve as an inspiration for parents wanting to teach their kids how to threaten citizens with violence whenever their demands are not met.”

Chinese Leaders Split Over Releasing Blacklist of U.S. Companies - WSJ

Mr. Biden has laid out plans to increase engagement with China over regional issues such as Afghanistan, Iran and North Korea. Mr. Biden would also likely engage China in dealing with climate change.

Astounding that any American politician would advocate for an approach that has not only failed for decades, but has enabled and emboldened the CCP in its program of oppression at home and abroad.

Got that Xbox on pre-order.

It’ll be my first gaming console.

🎮

Apple really threw cold water on the iOS 14 release, specifically the awesomeness of widgets, when they gave devs one day to test against the GM and submit to App Review.

Pandemic-Stricken World Braces For Another Francis Encyclical - Eye of the Tiber

“Catholics should be preparing themselves,” one inside Vatican source told EOTT. “I cannot emphasize enough just how well prepared we need to be. With the sustained isolation many of us are going through because of Covid, I fear that some may have time to read the encyclical.”

A body blow from which I doubt any of us will truly recover.

Auditors to Stop Inspecting Factories in China’s Xinjiang Despite Forced-Labor Concerns - WSJ

where human-rights activists say a police-state atmosphere and government controls make it too difficult to determine whether factories and farms are relying on forced labor.

China, our partners in trade.

Some groups the Journal contacted acknowledged the challenges of detecting forced labor in Xinjiang, but they said they are concerned that blacklisting the region could push abuses further underground.

Also true.

Kids have been up since 5:40am. I am so screwed.

Tomorrow is not only the first day of Fall, it’s Apple Watch Day and New Knife Day. Also, it’s going to be rainy.

The perfect day!!!

Trump Fires Off Giant Pink Glitter Cannon To Reveal Gender Of SCOTUS Nominee - The Babylon Bee

“Of course it’s a girl! It’s a girl!” Trump said as he made an hourglass curve gesture with his hands. “Tremendous. Thank you very much!”

Democrats Post Job Listing For Supreme Court Nominee Accusers - The Babylon Bee

The best candidates from all applicants will be invited to a casting call in D.C. to show off their “believable accusation” ability.

Giggling Trump Prank Calls Merrick Garland To Tell Him He’s Been Shortlisted For SCOTUS - The Babylon Bee

“When I heard Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, I said to myself, ‘There is only one man for the job,’” Trump told Garland over the phone while barely holding back laughter.

Last day of Summer. 🍉

Calendar.app in iOS 14 is fantastic. Great improvements in watchOS, too.

Fantastical is typically late on updates. If they don’t hit a grand slam, it’s curtains!

My Apple Watch is on the way! Just left South Korea on one of UPS’ new 747-8s. Will be on my wrist tomorrow.

International logistics is fascinating.

✈️📦⌚️

The App Library really makes it easy to have all of the apps that you need.

Breaking Judicial Norms: A History - WSJ

What Republicans should do is let the voters know about the Democratic filibuster and court-packing plans, and make them a campaign issue.

Just renewed my Micro.blog subscription for another year. Looking forward to 2.0 and beyond!

Why the ‘Biden Rule’ Doesn’t Apply in 2020 - WSJ

For well over a century—the last exception was Chief Justice Melville Fuller in 1888, during President Cleveland’s first term—the Senate hasn’t confirmed a Supreme Court nominee chosen in an election year by a president of the opposite party. That’s why, in 2016, Mr. McConnell let voters break the stalemate.

Genius Trump Nominates Joe Biden To Supreme Court Forcing Dems To Accuse Him Of Sexual Assault - The Babylon Bee

“We now believe Tara Reade,” said a somber Kamala Harris, “and we will do everything in our power to destroy this man’s life.”

I’m always in awe of the resiliency of nature. 🌻

I spent some time really working on my iPad Magic Keyboard this morning. It’s really well done. Feels very similar to using a MacBook Air.

They later sunrise is really helping my kids sleep in and get the rest that they need.

Just conducted our first budget committee in Keynote. Only took me eight years to find a great way to communicate my spreadsheet.

Nailed it!

Significant delays in delivery of packages from USPS. I wonder what’s going on over there.

Leftists Frantically Begin Rebuilding Everything They Burned Down So They Can Burn It Down Again - The Babylon Bee

As a potential SCOTUS replacement hearing looms, leftists are at their breaking point. So, they threatened to burn everything down. But oops! They already burned it all down. So, they are now frantically rebuilding the buildings, towns, low-income housing, black-owned businesses, and stores they destroyed in the previous riots so they can burn them all down again. The gangs of looters and rioters rushed stores and returned everything they stole, rebuilt the buildings they’d burned down, and replaced all the windows they’d smashed.

Crisp Fall morning air on my walk this morning. More, please! 🍁

Whoops—We Found 1,666 Ballots - WSJ

Only 47 days left to get it right.

Going to be one rough ride.

Man Sticks To Keto Diet For Full 12 Seconds - The Babylon Bee

In an amazing display of self-restraint and discipline, the man avoided all carbs, bread, fruits, sugars, rice, beans, and pastries for the entire twelve seconds. He started out his diet by eating a hard-boiled egg. On his second bite, he tossed it in the trash can and ate a muffin, congratulating himself on doing such a good job this time.

Not me!

Pennsylvania High Court Extends Deadline for Accepting Mail Ballots - WSJ

Lee Moak, a Democratic appointee on the Postal Service Board of Governors, separately defended the agency, saying it is acting without political objectives. “Any suggestion that there is a politically motivated attack on the efficiency of the Postal Service is completely and utterly without merit,” he said in a statement.

Agreed.

As Coronavirus Rebounds, Europe Rejects New Lockdowns - WSJ

Mr. Goosens said he is now advising policy makers to shift their messaging and ask people not to rely on government measures but to take personal responsibility to curb the disease by adhering to social distancing, wearing masks, avoiding crowded spaces and staying away from people at greater risk.

Solid.

Just-Laid-Off Minneapolis Police Officer Looks On Helplessly As Rioters Burn Down City Council Members’ Homes - The Babylon Bee

Lieutenant Chris Gastelum was laid off yesterday by the Minneapolis Police Department after the city council voted to defund the police. As he was walking home, he saw, by chance, some rioters throwing Molotov cocktails at the homes of several city council members. But, sadly, he was powerless to do anything, as he’d just turned in his gun and badge.

Barr Condemns Justice Department Prosecutors - WSJ

“Advocating for clear and defined prohibitions will sometimes mean that we cannot bring charges against someone who we believe is engaged in bad conduct. But that is what it means to be a government of laws and not men. We cannot let our desire to get bad people turn into the functional equivalent of the Mad Emperor Caligula.”

Excellent philosophy!

Top New Jersey Democrats Agree to Raise Taxes on Millionaires - WSJ

“Gov. Murphy’s plan to raise taxes is a gift for the Florida economy and a nightmare for New Jersey,” Mr. Bramnick said in a written statement.

Ain’t that the truth!

The stock iOS Calendar.app’s widget is keeping it 💯

Made my favorite, but most technical, dinner tonight: a savory meat pie.

Excited about the release of Safari 14.

It Takes a Superspreader to Know a Superspreader - WSJ

‘Voting by mail is now common enough and problematic enough that election experts say there have been multiple elections in which no one can say with confidence which candidate was the deserved winner.”

NYT, 2012.

“While fraud in voting by mail is far less common than innocent errors, it is vastly more prevalent than . . . in-person voting fraud”

CNN Criticizes Israel, Arab Leaders For Shaking Hands In The Middle Of A Pandemic - The Babylon Bee

CNN and other media outlets attacked President Trump and foreign leaders this week after footage emerged of Israeli and Arab leaders standing closer than six feet apart and embracing in a peace accord, clearly violating COVID social distancing protocol. Pictures and footage show Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the foreign ministers of UAE and Bahrain completely ignoring social distancing as they smile warmly and shake hands while signing historic peace accords between the three nations.

This would be much funnier if it weren’t so close to the reality of the coverage.

Talk about a big day!

The original Pink Panther show from 1969 is on Amazon Prime Video and my kids love it.

I always enjoy the first time driving on a new set of tires.

This Apple Event is snooze.com.

Vatican Looks to Extend Church Leadership Agreement With China Despite Criticism - WSJ

Under Chinese leader Xi Jinping, the country’s ruling Communist Party has steadily tightened its grip on religion, in particular Islam and Christianity. Authorities have converted mosques into gift shops, ripped crosses from church roofs and blanketed religious communities in digital surveillance—part of an effort to eliminate what party documents describe as ideological threats to its rule.

So, yeah, let’s keep it going.